Infidelity

So today, as I was gleaming from the last week of my Christmas vacation before I have to go back to work [ :-( ], I was listening to a prominent radio program where the host was talking about the pain of infidelity and how hard it is to continue a relationship with someone after you have been made aware that they have cheated on you.

Truthfully, I have never had this experience so it's almost a difficult thing for me to comment on. I have seen infidelity as a child, and it was definitely painful for me even though I was on the outside looking in, so to speak. I can honestly say that the fear of being cheated on has been part of the fuel under my fear of being in a relationship (or even a friendship that COULD POSSIBLY lead to one.)

As I was listening to this radio program, I heard the host express what seemed like shock at being informed that infidelity was such a major issue that people were asking for prayer about it. Of course, as a believer, I was shocked that he was shocked at that. He continued to take calls and to vent his fear and concern about this particular topic. As much as I truly respect this particular radio show host, I have to admit, I changed the station. I recognized that negativity about love relationships was something that I had just come out of being in bondage too; and I couldn't really afford to allow the devil to speak negativity into my spirit reguarding the promises of God in this area.

As I changed the radio station, it occurred to me that the reason why so many people are negatively affected by this is because we don't really trust God in the first place when it comes to love relationships. Here's what I mean; usually here's how it goes. Boy meets girl, they flirt, he goes after her and asks her out (or something like that), maybe she puts him off consistently. Finally they go out on a date, then on another one, then on another one. So then they come to the logical conclusion that since they've been going out this long, it must be time for them to get "serious" so they decide to see each other exclusively (often without even really consulting each other and just assuming the other person feels the same.) Then after they do that for a while, they figure the next logical thing is for them to become "engaged." Sometimes, the engagement itself is treated like an entirely different level in the relationship, so much so that they're not really doing anything that you would think would be logical for engaged people to do...like set a date for their wedding, or actually be ready to get married when they get engaged. (That's a whole different conversation.) So then they get married. Allot of times, even among believers, no one even bothered to ask God about any of this...they just went full speed ahead.

I know what you're thinking...what in the world does this have to do with infidelity? Reasonable question. The thing is, I think many of us have a faulty and less than accurate perception of what marriage actually is, and what it's purpose is. The Bible says this: " 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.'This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church." (Ephesians 5:31-32) In the first part of this passage, Paul quotes Genesis 2:24, but what's most interesting about this passage is the second part of it. In the thirty second verse there is a direct correlation, a comparison if you will being made between a marriage between a man and a woman and the relationship between Christ and his bride, the church (that would be us.)

It seems clear to me, as I have said before that the purpose for marriage in the first place is to bring about the glory of God and His perfect will and plan primarily. It's not even really about us and how we feel. Since God is awesome and his love for us is great, He uses marriage to manifest that love. The thing is, that can only happen when both parties are totally focused on him. If there are two people who are totally focused on God and what He wants to do through them, maybe fidelity may be a little easier to maintain. Now don't get me wrong, I am by no means trying to pass myself off as having all the answers or even trying to suggest that marriages ordained by God can never be touched by infidelity. Even people who focus whole heartily on God are people with flaws and faults and weaknesses.

However it does occur to me that maybe if we would petition God early in the game, I mean before we go out on a date with the person in the first place, that God is able and willing to make all grace abound toward us and is able to show us things that maybe we would not have otherwise been able to see. Maybe if we would go about the business of doing God's business and not allowing the devil to use the world and world system to make us feel bad about our singleness (those of us who are single), then maybe we could allow God to really be God...and maybe if the person hasn't made that decision yet (and everyone who's saved hasn't necessarily made the decision to let God control EVERY aspect of their life just because they've gotten saved...I know that one first hand), then God will show us. Maybe that could actually save us the heartache and pain of finding out that we've been cheated on in the first place, among other things that could go wrong.

The other piece to that is the idea that maybe our perception about the opposite sex is faulty. Many women have a tendency to believe and then in response teach their children that men are all dogs' as if to say that men are prone to cheating and they cannot control themselves at all when it comes to sexuality. I've even heard saved women, who know the Lord and confess him boldly say "all men are dogs." One woman, a friend of mine who I love dearly even questioned how true the idea was that a couple who are two incredible power houses for the Lord who are very very candid in their ministry are in fact being truthful about the fact that they waited until they were married to have sex; partly sighting that faulty way of thinking.

So if we have the ability to speak those things that be not as though they are as the word of God says we do,(Proverbs 18:21) and if death and life are in the power of the tongue (Romans 4:17), then maybe because we're thinking and believing what the devil used society to tell us, maybe we're attracting that very thing to us. I used to be an opponent of this theory until I saw it manifested in my own life.

Men can do the very same thing. I'm sure that society probably tells men on some level that women only want them for their money, and for how many free trips and free dinners they can get. Interestingly enough, one lie feeds into the other one. If a man chooses to believe that and dwell on that, I think it's fare to say that his odds of encountering a woman who only wants to do that probably go up....and if she really doesn't care about him in the first place, how easy is it to cheat on him?

Of course then there are other cases where people make mistakes, and where people have a demonic spirit of lust operating in their lives maybe from something that happened in their childhood, or maybe even a spirit of anger and hatred towards the opposite sex. But that kind of brings me back around to how we started this conversation. If we yield to God and yield to his ways, and stop telling God what we can't do and let him lead us and guide us; I think it's safe to say that since he's more invested in us having successful marriages then we even are, that He would show us. Even if it's not so we can leave or forget about the person, but so that we can stand back and pray for them, not rush into relationships, rush into engagement, rush into marriage.

I pray two things for all of us this week. I pray that as we go into the new year, that we allow God to pull up those weeds of negative thinking about love relationships concerning fidelity and incorrect perceptions about the opposite sex that have been passed down from generation to generation. I pray that we also allow God to actually be God and that we caution ourselves to the nudging, leading and haulting of the Holy Spirit concerning love. That is my prayer for you and for me.

"Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?" (Isiah 43:19)

Be blessed and have a safe and prosperous new year!

Sarah E. Rios
Love Heals All Wounds
Founder and Creator
http://www.lovehealsallwounds.blogspot.com/
www.myspace.com/lovehealsallwounds1
http://www.movehealsallwounds.hi5.com/
lovehealsallwounds1@gmail.com

This is a word directly from the Lord....for the Ladies

So yesterday was my last official day of work until January 5 2009. (One of the perks of working in education....long breaks for Christmas) So today was my first official vacation day. I was lying in my bed thinking about all the things that I want to do today. Some wants, some needs, like putting clothes away. As I laid there, I began to think about something that God revealed to me a few days ago about a specific situation in my life. He showed me that he indeed will keep his promise to me and that everything that he has been telling me all along about a certain situation that he is getting ready to bring it to pass.

As I thought about that, my mind went to thinking about a man that I care very much about. Partly, because God made it clear that he would bring clarity to what I've been wondering about him. So, of coruse since I'm on vacation and didn't have to get up and rush off to work, I just laid there for a while and thought about how awesome it would be to actually have clarity about this particular situation, not to mention everything else that God promised he would do.

A call came in and interrupted my thoughts. After I got off the phone, I said to God "OK God I know I've got a lot to do so I'd better get up and get started." After saying that I went on to begin to apologize to God for thinking about this situation and thinking about a man. The funniest thing happened.

God replied "don't beat up on yourself for thinking about someone." Just as I was trying to digest that, he went on to say "I want you to tell my daughters to stop beating up on themselves for having feelings for a man...and to stop beating up on each other." "You'd be surprised how many of my daughters do" he said.

I have to admit, at first I was kinda like "huh...." but as I thought about it I realized how many times God had shown me exactly what he was saying not just through my own reactions to liking a guy whenever I would end up liking a guy (that negative feeling has come on the heels of every time I've ever liked someone or cared about someone since I was about 11 years old) but also the reactions of so many women about the same situation.

Often times it's been disguised in an attitude of nonchalance and frigidity. Now don't get me wrong I'm not talking about when you clearly don't feel that way about someone, I'm speaking about when you clearly do. When you actually do care about a man or want to get to know a man or like a man or love a man, but everything that you've ever heard about men tells you that this is a fantasy and it could never be or somehow someway he's going to do something wrong and this is some how for sure going to be a disappointment. Again, don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about a feeling of not knowing what's going to happen and deciding to trust God and see how it goes. I'm speaking about the exact opposite....not trusting God and just resigning yourself to go through the process all the while having no expectancy of anything good coming out of it; and thereby experiencing some level of anxiety or dread and even self anger every time you find yourself feeling anything for a man.

Sometimes that very self anger is transferred to others that you may be trying to help. It occurs to me that if you really believe the lie that society has told us for years (especially in minority communities) that men are all after one thing and they're only concerned about using us to get what they want, whether that is sex, someone to help them pass the time or someone to clean up after them and cook their food; then if you see a woman who is experiencing any type of emotion as a result of her feelings for a man, you may become angry...perhaps because it reminds you of your own struggle.

The devil works over time in trying to pit women against men, men against women, women against women, men against men, anything to distract us from the real target and the real enemy...him. He knows that if he can just get women to believe that men are naturally incapable of caring about them or loving them and that they're naturally selfish and naturally shallow(I've believed that lie before) and that the only way to operate in relationship with them is to play "their game" by conniving and manipulating, that he can sow feelings of bitterness, resentment, anger, rejection, self hatred, intolerance, and hatred for others just to name a few. Of coruse that is sometimes accompanied by beating yourself up no matter how quietly for actually really caring about a man.

Now maybe that's never been your story and you've never experienced that. If so, then clearly this blog isn't for you. But if you have experienced that, if you have gotten angry with yourself for just caring about a man; the word from the Lord is STOP IT. Don't beat up on yourself for having a desire that he gave you. God is the author of love himself, and he's the one who decide that our desire would be for our husband. (Genesis 3:16) At first glance when you look at that passage in Genesis, it may sound like a curse. But God in his infinite wisdom is able to make all grace about and we are blessed beyond the curse. (2 Corinthians 9:8) So though it may initially sound like a punishment for wrong doing on the part of Eve, ultimately it benefits us, our future husbands (those of us who are called to be married) and the kingdom of God.

We definitely need to note that we shouldn't dwell on things and obsess about things we have no means of controlling; including a situation surrounding a man we like or have feelings for by calling, going over and devising new ways to get them to notice us; at the same time we need to not go to the other extreme and feel badly or allow others to make us feel badly about simply caring about a man or even being interested in one.

It's OK for you to be interested in a man. As long as you don't let it consume you and allow the devil to tell you the lie that you have to somehow put on the pants and go after him; there's nothing wrong with caring about him or thinking about him. There is such a thing as excess and a time when you have to say to yourself like I did earlier "OK girl, let's go...things to do." But don't let the devil trick you into feeling like you're somehow less of a woman or even less of a woman of God because you actually like someone. NEWSFLASH: Christian women like men too. We're supposed to, that's how God created us, and God doesn't make mistakes...EVER. You caring about a man is part of how God created you; and God looked at his creation after he created it and said "it is good." (Genesis 1:4, 10, 12,18,21)

I pray that this week if you're a single woman or even if you're married and you find yourself thinking about a man that you care about or are interested in (which should obviously only be your husband if you're married) that you resist the temptation to believe the devil in his telling you that you're somehow wrong or less of a woman for that. Trust the inventor of your feelings to guide you into all truth. (John 16:13)

Sarah E. Rios
Love Heals All Wounds
Founder and Creator
www.lovehealsallwounds.blogspot.com
lovehealsallwounds1@gmail.com

P.S. Do you know Jesus? Maybe you've heard that questions before. Here's the thing, we all have a sin condition that separates us from God. That very separation is what causes the anxiety and fear that I just spoke about. Even though as a human being living in a fallen world, you may always have to battle those kinds of things; the truth is you can be victorious over it and more importantly, you can know for sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that your sin condition doesn't separate you from God eternally. You can know that although your sin condition warrants an eternity an hell, that Jesus' sacrifice on the cross was the atonement for all of our sins. He did that because he wants to be in relationship with you and he loves you more than you could ever know. (John 3:16) If you don't know him in the pardoning of your sins, and if you don't know that if you died today heaven would be your home, I implore you to ask God to forgive you and to receive His forgiveness and turn from your sinful condition and live for Him. Turning doesn't mean you get everything right, it means that you realize that there are things that you may be participating in that don't please him and that with His help, you're still able to receive His love for you eternal life he died to give you. Trust Him to.

PERCEPTION.......be careful

You know what God has shown me....
perception is a very interesting thing. If you're familiar with my writings, you know that I'm a lover of words......so the definition of perception is "awareness of the elements of environment through physical sensation." Another definition puts it this way: " physical sensation interpreted in the light of experience."

Now that's the one that's interesting to me. The reason why this seems most informative is because of the last part... in light of experience. In other words, Webster's online dictionary seems to be suggesting that your perception, or how you see things will be colored or affected by your experience.

This evening while I was talking to a friend of mine, we spoke about perception and how every one's perception is different. Often times, we draw conclusions based on our perceptions even though they are colored by our experiences. What's worse is that sometimes we draw conclusions about certain things based on the perceptions of others, people who had experiences that are not even our experiences.

For example, I judged love and the pursuit of love and even the state of being open to love on my experience. Since my experience with romantic love was not good, I deducted that romantic love wasn't good and would continue to cause me pain as long as I desired it.

I also drew a conclusion on how men thought based on the perception of a few women and even fewer men who stated that when it came to what men liked they only liked women who looked a certain way, and they would only feel comfortable being with a woman who fit society's idea of what was beautiful.

Many of us as women draw conclusions about what a man is thinking and how he acts, and what he wants. We draw conclusions on what we think some other man wanted, thought or felt. Some men draw similar conclusions about us, that we must think act and feel like all the other girls they know because after all, we're all women.

Some years ago, when I first started going natural, I remember that me being new at the whole natural hair thing, and at the point where allot of my hair was natural; I didn't really know what to do with it. I was romancing the idea of cutting it off...I mean cutting it really short. Now if you talk to any woman with shoulder length or longer hair, they will tell you how daunting the idea of cutting their hair really short can be. After you get used toy yourself a certain way, it's kind of hard to picture yourself with a whole different look...at least for some of us (at least the female kind.)

I recall expressing to one of my cousins that I wanted to cut my hair short but that I was scared. She began to tell me all of the reasons why I shouldn't cut it. She had recently gone natural and cut her hair short and was just in the process getting back to her relaxed look. (That's straightened in case you weren't aware.) I remember one thing that she said over everything else. As a matter of fact, I don't really remember anything else she said at all. This one statement stuck out so much to me.

"Don't cut your hair, men like women with hair..." I didn't hear anything else. Guess what I did. I went right home, and the next day I got a pair of scissors in my hand and cut my hair short. As far as I was concerned if I had to have a certain length hair for a man to like me, I would have rather passed. I very much resented the idea of me having to play dress up and accesorize like a barbie doll in order to have and maintain attention from a man. "How shallow" I thought. My anger over that shallowness led me to cut off most of my hair. Instantly I was over my fear of having short hair. I remember thinking "if this is what I've got to do to get a man to like me then I'll pass...as a matter of fact let me hurry up and cut my hair specifically so I don't attract them, who wants to be involved with anyone that surface and shallow?"

It may be difficult to understand but when you've been rejected over and over and over again by a society that says you're not good enough or you're not worthy of being loved simply and only because you don't look like everyone else and you're hair isn't long/short/straight/thin/thick enough, ( among other things) it's possible to become very contrary and want to look exactly like what that society doesn't accept....especially when it's not really that big of a deal, like short hair versus long hair. So I was disgusted at that.

Here's the thing; in my anger I was hoping that I would really shun men and would repel them because I didn't have long straight hair like they supposedly wanted, but guess what....the exact opposite happened. I have NEVER had that much attention from men ever in my life as during that time. My hair was short and natural. It definitely wasn't long and flowy like the L'Oreal girl; and it seemed like the men were everywhere. I mean men that would never ever ever look at me looked at me during that time....long and hard too.

So my perception was that "since men are shallow and that apparently means that every woman has to look a certain way that I don't look like and don't want to look like, that they're sure to not ever look at me again now. Thank God!" I know that's an interesting emotion that you may not understand. But the thing is my perception was totally wrong!!!!!!

I wonder how many of us, men and women alike walk around with these thoughts and these perceptions of how the opposite sex must view us or what they must think is acceptable or attractive and are completely incorrect.

Perception is a doozy. Unfortunately, I have found that many many women have a set of incorrect perceptions about what men think and how men act and relate. I being one of them at times, from talking to men, have found out how incredibly wrong our perceptions generally are.

Let me ask you a question....have you ever thought that you were some how unacceptable or unqualified for love because the opposite sex obviously thought this or that about you and didn't like you for some reason? If you're a human being, you have flaws just as everyone does. Do you think that disqualifies you from love? I did. I was wrong. So are you.

God says this "...man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." I Sam 16:7. If God looks at the heart, why is it that some of us think that it's impossible for a man or woman who was created in God's image and after God's likeness to look past the faults and also see the heart?

Maybe we need to take the apostle Paul's advice in Romans: "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Romans 12:2 Every time I read this passage, I feel God saying that we are not to see things the way the world sees them but the way He sees them.

In other words, don't look at the outward appearance or the outward things, look at the heart. Use your spiritual eyes to see and your spiritual ears to hear. Forget what other people say. You know what God continues to say to me concerning this: "Daughter the only opinion that matters is mine." Period. Done. God has spoken.

This week I pray that when you think about this that God will show you any areas that you've allowed the world to dictate to you what you should see and how you should feel. Prayerfully, you'll receive the grace to believe God and shut out the world who's actually being led by the devil...they just don't know it.
Don't believe the report of the world.....believe the report of the Lord. After all, he's the only opinion that counts.

Sarah E. Rios
Founder and Creator
lovehealsallwounds1@gmail.com
www.myspace.com/lovehealsallwounds1
http://www.lovehealsallwounds.hi5.com/

Crazy

Crazy to think that you weren't listening...
crazy to put my faith and trust in people....
crazy to think that their opinion of me or the promises that you gave to me some how mattered...
crazy...

crazy to be so blinded by the enemy's schemes...
crazy
crazy to put so much stock in the bantor and fodder of men who don't know God...
crazy...

crazy to listen to those who know who you are, but don't know you personally,
crazy...
who may know you as a healer and a provider, but maybe not a counselor..
maybe not as the great match maker
maybe not as the lover Himself...

crazy....
crazy to not see that since you founded love,
you created love
that you can't get love wrong...
crazy...

crazy not to take you at your word...
crazy to push the man of God away...
crazy to be so afraid of loving someone...or having someone love me back...
crazy

crazy not to understand that you are a promise keeper...
crazy not to realize that if you say it, that settles it...
crazy...

crazy to dictate the inner workings of my life to appease people...
crazy...
crazy not to see what you're doing....
crazy...
crazy to push your love away from me....
crazy...
crazy to not know that you'll be here in good times and bad...
crazy...

crazy not to see what the devil has been doing all this time...
crazy...
crazy not to see that he's been working over time because of what he sees in him and me...
so his goal is to keep me crazy...
crazy enough to not let anyone in...
crazy...
crazy enough to not let you in...
crazy...
crazy enough to not walk into my destiny...
crazy
crazy to actually care about what people think of me....
crazy....
"who do you want to bless you....
me or the people?"
those were your words...
but still...
i was crazy..
it was clear but I was crazy...
not crazy in love..

crazy in fear...
crazy in pain...
crazy in frustration...
crazily angry....

wanting people to understand me...
wanting people to understand what it is you said to me...
as if you said to them...
crazy...
crazy to search for confirmation from nonspiritual people .....
crazy....
crazy to seek confirmation from those who think love and marriage is about them...
crazy...

about them getting houses and cars...
about them getting people to take care of them and clean up after them and lay up under them....
crazy.....
knowing what you gave me....
knowing what you told me,
I was still crazy...
crazy to take my cues on how love should be from people with no vision...
from people who don't understand that when you bring two people together,
it isn't for them...
it's for ministry...
your ministry through them to the world around them....
crazy...

crazy not to trust and believe that you would use me and him to bring people to you....
crazy...
crazy to think that my pain had been wasted....
crazy....
there is a bright spot to all that crazy....


I'm NOT CRAZY ANYMORE.
LET'S GET EM.

SER

Sarah E. Rios
Founder and Creator
lovehealsallwounds1@gmail.com

Sometimes...It's Just Life

Today I was listening to a message. The preacher said "everything isn't a demon...somethings are just life." What he meant was that everything that you go through isn't predicated by things that you do or not do. Everything that happens is not necessarily a consequence of something else, sometimes it's just life.
To be very honest with you, typically I've only half-way agreed with this message. Over the course of my life, being an analytical person, I always felt that there is always a reason why certain things happen...that everything has a starting point. The problem with that philosophy is that, if you're not careful you can begin to obsess about things, and do everything in your power to avoid certain things or to prevent certain things from happening to you. I know that very intimately. Since I always felt that there was a beginning point for things and that everything was founded somewhere, it seemed to me that it was entirely up to me to make sure I always did things (not necessarily the right things) to prevent some of these things from occurring.
When it came to relationships, I was trying to do everything in my power to prevent getting hurt. I was willing to do whatever I had to do and whatever I could do to keep me from feeling rejected any more. At one point, I had decided that I was done with love and relationships all together. It's not really that I didn't want to have love, it's really that I was scared to death and was sure first of all that I'd always be rejected and secondly that the idea of me experiencing anymore rejection would definitely kill me.
Along the journey, every time I would have a conversation related to how afraid I was and how I was willing to do whatever I felt I needed to do to protect myself, I would always here people's testimonies of being in abusive relationships, or being rejected in a divorce, or being cheated on, or being used for their money or something like that. The interesting thing, is that while people were giving these testimonies I gathered as a way to encourage me that I could make it through anything with God's help like they did; guess what....I never received it that way.
All I knew was that I didn't want to go through anything even remotely close to what they had gone through...period. I didn't care what....I felt that I had been through enough heartache and pain, enough devastation, enough rejection, just enough. I was extremely unwilling to go through anything else, and really I was petrified, sure that something drastically wrong was going to happen to me if I opened myself up to love (or at least at that time letting love happen.)
When I was listening to the man of God today, he mentioned that at one point him and his mother moved from one state to another and that she was annoyed and frustrated at the prospect of moving from one place to another after she had been there for many years. He remarked that he assured her "the most important thing in this house is you." What he was trying to say was that as long as she made it out, that nothing else mattered. It didn't matter what things got lost or burned because since she had herself in tact, she could always acquire more things.
I recall when I was in college, and I had come home for a break. I visited my high school and talked with one of my old teachers. He told me of him and his wife's plan to move to South Florida. At that time, Hurricane Andrew had just come through South Florida and left total devastation. We spoke about that and he said that as long he was OK, it wouldn't matter to him what else he lost because he knew that he could always rebuild.
I always thought; "yeah that's a fine attitude for a house, or money or whatever, but not for a relationship with someone. "
As far as I was concerned that was harder to rebuild ,and quite frankly, I almost felt that if people were indeed preordained to be with specific people for a specific purpose, that they couldn't really "live" so to speak without the other person. I mean they could breath and do all the necessary things to be alive; but to me; their effect on the world, or the effect they were supposed to have on the world, was gone. I also thought that such external factors like society, and public opinion were things that would definitely effect whether or not those two people got together, or stayed together. I remember thinking to myself, I'd rather not ever get married if I'm going to got divorced...or I'd rather not even be friends with someone if I'm going to end up having feelings for them and end up being rejected. It's easy to think that's extreme, but all I needed was a small chance of that happening and it was enough to scare me to death. I remember thinking that since it was next to impossible that in this society, any man on earth would ever want to be with someone like me since society dictated to him that I was unacceptable, and since most men were shallow and deeply craved the affirmation of society that me being open to that idea would only be setting myself up to be hurt.
Consequently, every time I felt myself even starting to like someone, I got very angry with myself. I would become anxious about every little thing about it. I somehow could never really bring myself to be myself around the person and when it wouldn't work out, I would always take the blame and beat myself up for even daring to think that any man born in this world could ever accept me or that I could ever have love at all.
When I would hear people say "it's just life" or the idea that you cannot control what other people do or how things happen...it just filled my heart with more fear.
I know now that failure in relationships, sometimes isn't failure...it's just life. Truthfully speaking the idea of ending up divorced, or ending up rejected again or a being loved by someone who I do not love (which hurts too by the way) still scares me a little; but I'm learning how to trust God with that part of my life. I'm realizing that there are things that I absolutely cannot control; and I'm also learning to trust God not just to take care of everyone else (which I always have) but also to take care of me. So my prayer for you this week is that if you're like me, an analytical person who may be pondering what the point is of trusting God with this area of your life, that would you begin to understand that God is sovereign and that He will always be there to hold you and walk you through every trial, every test, and every disappointment. Resist the voice that tells you it's somehow you're fault....Even if it is your fault, what's done is done. You can't turn the clock back. It happened. That's it. Don't let whatever it is stop you from living now. I've done that. I stopped living and stopped taking in the moments because I was trying to micro manage my life so that I would never be hurt. It doesn't work. Take it from me.
Let me leave you with a question: Have you ever blamed yourself for a breakup/split? Maybe you never got to the relationship and the person just didn't want to continue to pursue a relationship with you, did you blame yourself for that? Did you live out of that? Are you living out of that? Don't anymore.
Let's get some insight.
Be blessed.

Sarah E. Rios
Founder and Creator

The Resurection of Hope

HOPE.
What an interesting word. Webster's online dictionary defines hope as "The general feeling that some desire will be fulfilled." Another definition is: someone (or something) on which expectations are centered. Hope is definitely an interesting concept. It speaks of expectation of good. It speaks of believing that "something extraordinary is possible." In the movie "A Beautiful Mind" staring Russel Crow, Jennifer Connely and Ed Harris, the character Alicia Nash says that to her husband after finding out that he had a debilitating mental disease that causes him to see things that are not there. In this true account, this man's disease stops him from living a "normal" life as he is continually plagued with having to ask himself weather or not his day to day experiences are real or imagined. Can you imagine that? Meeting people and having people become a part of your life, an integral part of your life; and experiencing things that are at the heart of who you and then having to face that those things had never been; and that those people do not exist. If you're a movie buff like me, you probably have already seen this film, if not, I won't ruin it for you. This story, like so many others is a story of how real and powerful HOPE is.
On Tuesday, November 4 2008, we in the United States of America elected a new president. A black man from Chicago with an interesting name; Barack Obama was elected the 44th president of the United States of America. This is truly monumental. Moments before the announcement was made, as I looked at the TV screen and I saw that Obama had 207 electoral college votes and McCain had about 153; knowing that the first candidate to get to 270 votes from the electoral college would win the election, I realized how close we were to making history. In the past 300 years that the US has been in existence, we have never had a Black president. That alone, makes this a very special event. The other piece that makes it special is the horrible racial history of America. For hundreds of years, black people have had to face living in a country where at times we have not felt welcomed or wanted. Black girls have watched as the standard of beauty has been passed off as everything related to being white and nothing related to being black. As a matter of fact, not just in the US, but around the world, everything associated with being black, whether it is the way one speaks, the music one listens to, the texture of one's hair the darkness or lightness of one's skin or the size and shape of one's physical features; has been closely related to something undesirable and ugly. It is the reason why so many people from different countries who are black do not refer to themselves as black. It is the reason why black men were called "boy" even as adults, and senior adults, and are still followed around stores and have car doors locked as they walk by today.
For a country that has that kind of history and that kind of large wound that has been created through the sin of slavery and Jim Crow laws in the South, the idea of ever having a black man elected president was something many never thought we would ever see in our lifetime. Now, the image of black masculinity has shifted. The idea of being black in general, has shifted. Through this election, I believe that God has orchestrated the beginning of healing; not just for Black Americans, but for Black people all over the world and for America as a whole.
In his speech on Tuesday from Grant Park, Obama mentioned that this election was won not by him only but by everyone who supported him. He mentioned people who didn't have much money putting ten dollars here together with twenty dollars there to fund the campaign. He often talks about his start in the political arena as an activist. He spoke of long lines that lasted for hours on election day. He made it clear that it is because of other's belief and faith in him as a leader, that he was able to achieve what he has achieved. In other words, because people dared to hope not only that he was qualified for the position, but that they actually dared to hope that the same country that enslaved people because they were black, and segregated people because they were black, and whipped and beat and hung people because they were black would actually elect a president who was black.
I can't speak for anyone but I would dare to say that some of us who stood in long lines at the voting polls that day are people who believed that there was nothing impossible. People who believed the scripture in the Bible that says that "nothing is impossible with God." (Luke 1:37) People who believed like the character in the movie previously mentioned that something extraordinary can happen. Now I don't naively assume that everyone reading this blog is an Obama supporter, but that's not really the point. Maybe you didn't vote for Barack Obama, maybe you don't even live in the US, but regardless of that, It is safe to say God wants us to realize the power of HOPE.
The Bible says in the book of Proverbs that "Hope deferred makes the heart sick." Many of us can attest to that. We can attest to the sickening feeling of your hope in something dying. Hoping that the marriage or the relationships will work out and then it doesn't. Hoping that you're not disappointed again, and then you are. Hoping it'll be different this time, and then it's not. Hoping that your loved one won't die, and then they do. Hoping the results will be negative, and then they're not. That kind of discouragement can in fact make the heart sick. Having a heart sickness is a very difficult thing to get through. Unlike a physical illness, the symptoms of heart sickness are not tangible and there are no foods you can eat or medications you can take to fix it. Although a sickness in your soul can lead to sickness in your body, ultimately if there is not a healing that takes place at the heart of you, your body may be well (for a little while) but your heart will still be sick.
The thing is, if hope deferred makes the heart sick, then hope realized must make it well. As a matter of fact, Proverbs 13:12 goes on to say that "a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." You know what's interesting, it doesn't say that the same longing that you or I had in the first place will be fulfilled, it only says that a longing (in other words- any longing) fulfilled is a tree of life. In my case, and in the case of many of us, our longing is for love. Our hope that has been deferred is the hope that one day, maybe love will work out for us. Some of us just want to know that love can actually happen for us, and that it isn't a fairy tale. Some of us want to know that our current relationships will evolve into marriage. Some of us just want to know that we will not be slighted or rejected again. Some of us just want to know that after all that we've been through that we can still have this glorious part of living existent in our lives. The truth is though that some of us are so used to things being the way they are, so used to not having love, so used to being in bad relationships, so used to being rejected, so used to feeling unqualified that hoping for change is hard to do.
I realized something on Tuesday. I know with what I am about to say, I may lose some people but that's OK. If you have spiritual ears to hear and spiritual eyes to see, I think it's safe to say that you see the significance of this election. Not only is this a picture that anything really is possible, and that something amazing really can happen, and not only is this the beginning of healing for Black people around the globe, particularly Americans; this is also a sign of a release that has begun in the spirit realm. It's a release into a new day. A day where the past doesn't matter. A release where nothing bad that ever happened to you can hinder you from moving into the next level in your existence. It's a day where not even your fear of the uncertainty of the future can paralyze you any longer. All of a sudden now, what people think about you seems to go by the wayside. All of a sudden now, a freshness and a newness for the visions and the dreams that God placed in your heart are being brought to life again.
In the first blog of this ministry, I wrote that it is evident to me that when God created people, he chose certain ones among them for marriage. Those that he chose for marriage, he strategical created someone for them to be married to. In other words, everything is custom created, causing a huge spiritual, physical and emotional draw to the other person. The main thing, contrary to popular belief, is not so that we can procreate, or so that we can all have someone to go home to; but it is evident to me that the main purpose is the solving of a problem; a problem so big that the one person cannot solve it alone, that it takes both of them, to partner and to add to each other to complete the work of God in solving that particular problem. I don't even feel that it's one problem per say. It may be that various problems in the natural add up to one huge problem in the spirit realm.
When I look at my Pastor Trunell Felder and my first lady, his wife Alexis Felder, it is clear to me that there is something in the earth realm that cannot be completed unless they are together. It's a problem so big, that she could not solve it herself, and he could not solve it himself. It took them to be together in order to solve it. The same is true when I look At Barack and Michelle Obama. The same is true when I look at God ordained marriages of many people. Many of us, (me included) don't relay get to see allot of God ordained unions. I think that the reason why there is so much divorce is because some of those people simply were not put together by God. The Bible says "what God has joined together, let man not separate." (Matthew 19:6) Some of the people that are married, God did not ordain their marriage, therefore He didn't put them together. However, when you have an opportunity to see a couple that God really put together, it is a huge treat.
I, for so long have been one of the people who didn't believe that could ever happen for me. Even though I knew that somehow two people being together was not an accident, and then even after I had the revelation that it was God's doing, I STILL didn't believe that that could happen for me. I felt in my spirit that I was promised to someone, ordained for someone and created for someone, but even at such an early age of twelve, I thought for sure that by the time I meet him, I will have experienced so much disappointment that my heart will be sick, so sick that I'll push him away and never have another chance at that kind of God ordained true love again.
Many people have been in and are in this category. Some of them are just little girls. Girls 11 and twelve like I was who no longer believe that real love is possible for them...who have gone along with the "all men are dogs" philosophy or who some how don't believe that they could ever be accepted and loved by a man. Many others have given up on love for different reasons. Some have given up on God ordained love and taken on an idea of love for their convenience. A love that serves them and them only. That manifest itself in many different ways. The thing is what those people perceive to be love isn't love at all. If it isn't ordained by God, if something doesn't leap in your spirit when you see them, if you don't have a smile on your face when you talk about them, I know some would disagree, but maybe that isn't love. Or maybe it isn't the love that God intended for you to experience.
Of course love is not always pleasant, but if you know in your spirit that this is the person that you are indefinitely connected to and created for, and that you really didn't chose them or they chose you but God chose you for them and them for you because of something monumental that H is going to do torugh you being together, how could the thought of that person not cause you to smile at least a little bit?
It could be that maybe that person isn't the will of God for you, or maybe it could be that you're blocking it. I DEFINITELY understand how that can happen. In any event, the word for the week is HOPE. My prayer is that if you are like me and sent text messages to your friends, and cried and felt the release that happened in the spirit on Tuesday because of this historic and monumental moment in the history of America, I pray that you let that be a testament to you that God has every intention of fulfilling the promise that he made to you and making good on His word. I pray that your hope is resurrected as mine was on Tuesday night. Without a doubt, you will have challenges, and it will not always look as if is going to happen. Sometimes, it may even succeed in distracting you. I know about that first hand too. But my prayer is that you declare with me once and for all, that no matter what happens...the hope that you once put in God is not only resurrected, but will NEVER die again. I hope you decide with me that even when it doesn't look like it, and even when it seems like too much for you to handle, and even when you're tempted like I was last week to be offended at the challenge that goes along with it, that you breath life into it.
I pray that with each day, your heart gets softer and softer, and your ability to trust and believe God grows bigger and bigger as mine does as well. I also pray that you don't rake yourself over the coals for not taking giant leaps forward in one day. I pray that you instead, celebrate the one or two steps you make every day. I'm learning to do that. It's challenging but it's so worth it.
Here's to HOPE that has been resurrected.
Be blessed.
Sarah E. Rios
Founder and Creator

Don't know if I want it anymore

Have you ever gotten to the point where you sensed something coming for so long and it didn't; where you heard God say He was going to do it so many times, and it hasn't happened yet; and where so much has happened that the closer and closer it gets to coming to pass.....you start to push it away?

Like you just don't even wanna believe God anymore, because after all you've gotten comfortable not having or not living out what He said you were supposed to....

and you've accepted it?

Where, quite frankly the thought of you even having it seems ridiculous now?

It's like getting a taste for ice cream. Chocolate. then you try to go to the ice cream shop. Your car won't start. When it finally does start, you get stuck in traffic. You're still calm but you feel the desire for ice cream begin to slip away. Finally you get to the ice cream place. Guess what? No chocolate. You wanted chocolate so bad and you had your mind set on chocolate so much, that if you can't have chocolate, you don't even want the ice cream anymore.

So what do you do when it's something that God put in you?
Your ministry?
Your love?
Your life?
What do you do when you've gotten so used to the idea of not having it, that you're not even sure that you want it anymore; but you know it's what God wants you to have or to do?

What do you do then?

I wish I had more optimism for you this week but, I can't say I do.
All I can say is pray for me. (only if you want to and only if you really mean it, if not....please don't)
God is positioning me to get my proverbial "ice cream."
And, even though I know it's of God, I don't know if I want it anymore.
I mean all the ice cream.
the main ministry that God created me for,
the person that God created me for (please don't assume you know who I'm speaking of because you don't...sorry I've been burned before for even mentioning that so I had to put a disclaimer out there.)
Even the place God's called me to....
and I gotta tell you.
I've been so used to things being the way they've been for the past 30 years of my life;
I just don't know if I even want it anymore.
Anyways,

Be blessed.
Your in Christ.
Sarah E. Rios
Founder and Creator
lovehealsallwounds1@gmail.com

Have you ever felt like you were being set up...BY GOD?

Have you ever felt like you were being set up by God? I have. I'm sure you can guess in what area I felt that right. Love, relationships, of course what else.

It's actually kind of interesting; almost every other area, I would look at the devil like he was stupid with his crazy accusations. I "punked" the devil on everything else as we would say in urban vernacular. When my mother was diagnosed with cancer a couple of years ago, my response was "yeah right, CANCER. You wish you could take my mother our with cancer." I'm not exaggerating that's how I really reacted. I had so much faith about that, one night, soon after my mom got the diagnosis I remember lying in my bed and crying thinking that I didn't know what on earth I would do without her.....and I remember something saying "your mom's gonna die." (You do know that was the devil right?) You know what my answer was: "And...? If she does dies she's going home to the one that loves her more than anyone on earth ever could so she's STILL healed!! What else you got??"
When my uncle was diagnosed with Cancer, same thing. I had the same reaction. When he died, guess what my reaction was: He came to know the Lord before He died so all he did was go home....so He's STILL healed, and what? I even had the audacity to declare that God was going to use that tragedy to bring more people in my family to the Lord. How's that for belief?

Does that sound like amazing faith to you? ...Yeah me too. So how on earth did the same woman who talked back that boldly to the devil in that situation, have SOOOOOO much anxiety and fear when it came to love? Doesn't make sense to me either.

Today, in church, there was a man of God from South Africa preaching about things to do when you're in a tight situation. He spoke about how you have to be connected to the right people. In other words, know who your real friends are. Then he spoke about having people in your corner that can hold your ladder. In other words, people who will pray for you and be more relentless than you for the things that God has promised you. Right there I almost checked out of the message. Have you ever been so hurt by something that happened that it almost handicapped you for the rest of your life? Sometimes it's been two, three, five, ten, fifteen years ago, and it still hurts just like it happened yesterday. Have you ever had something that wouldn't hurt an ordinary person to that magnitude maim you....maybe because of your perception or something that hasn't been healed from your past? I have. As a matter of fact, something like that happened not to long ago. Last week, I wrote about having to forgive people that I quite frankly don't believe (sometimes) deserve to be forgiven. Most people would think that I'm blowing it way out of proportion, but that's how much it hurts. That involved people who I (at least in my opinion) should have been able to trust, the people of God. No the people of God aren't perfect but you mean to tell me I can't be candid about my struggle in hopes that my brothers and sisters in Christ won't use it against me but go to throne for me? Wow.
Anyways, I digress. As I started to think about people who I trusted to hold my ladder that didn't, yeah it started to hurt all over again. But as I tuned back in to the message from God, the man of God talked about getting to place of praise, even when you don't understand, even when it's uncomfortable, even when you think you're gonna die. That's not an easy thing to do, at all. I can finally testify that the devil hasn't stolen my praise for more that 60 minutes in the past four or five months. That's huge for me, because I was operating on a praise team and the devil would steal my praise for weeks and months at a time, either with anger or with fear. Let me tell you first hand, when you dare to praise and worship God even when you don't know what the heck is going on, and even when you don't understand what God is doing, something releases in the spirit realm. That can break up that spirit of fear that wants to creep in.
Speaking of fear; when I got home, I heard a woman of God say "let go of your fears and turn it over to Him." Last week my pastor said "Let go of your fear." The woman of God also said "some of you are being anxious and worrying over things you may never even experience; paying interest on something you may never take ownership of." Do you see a pattern?

"Sarah, why can't you just trust God already?" you may ask. I don't intend any disrespect when I say this: but I don't really expect most people to understand. I did at one time, but not anymore. The thing is that ever since I was a little girl, I really just felt that I would be alone. I did. I mean people in general didn't like me, I was picked on all the time. Even though I was just a little girl, it occured to me back then that "if people don't even like me, what man is ever going to?" As I grew older, it just got worse. The teasing didn't stop which further reiterated to me that "yup, I'm going to most likely be alone." I didn't wanna end up alone. I wanted to grow up and meet prince charming like most little girls, and I hoped and hoped and hoped and fantasized and fantasized. I cried when boys I liked didn't like me (which they never did by the way); even into my teen years in high school. I never talked to anyone about that, because honestly, who was I going to talk to. My parents were brought up in a culture where a girl didn't even mention that a movie star was attractive until she was 18 or 19 and even then she treded lightly. I never understood how that same culture encouraged you to get married at like 20, when boys couldn't even call you or come see you until about a year or two before that. Anyways...(If you have children, particularly girls, there's a hint in there, I hope you get it. Don't do that. Avoid ridiculous. You're not protecting or helping, you're hurting.)

Eventually, any hope that I had that I would one day end up with this wonderful man died a little with each rejection. Rejection, by the way, doesn't have to involve anyone pursuing or anything, especially when you've been rejected allot, all someone has to do to reject you and hurt you badly is not feel the way about you that you feel about them, and there it is; you're rejected. That doesn't have to involve you calling them or going after them or any of that. If they stare at you for more than five minutes and never say anything, or if you go out on one date and they never call you again, or if you just hint at the fact that you might like them and someone else gives you a stack of reasons why they probably don't like you; guess what, it's hurts just as bad as if they would have rejected you to your face, worse actually. At least if they say it to your face you never wonder about it again.

At about 26 or so, I was totally convinced that love was not in the cards for me, (if I may use that expression.) Period. Understand, I'm a thoughtful and very analytical person. So I know you know someone who thinks that way and you're first response is "they don't love themselves and they have low self esteem," but....not necessarily. See, I had FINALLY gotten to the place where I accepted myself. So much so, I was like "whoever doesn't like me is probably shallow anyways so who would care if they didn't like me?" ( I was angry at this point. Mostly because I couldn't see anything cosmically wrong with me that wasn't wrong with the average person.) I know that sounds harsh, but it seemed to me like every reason why I was being rejected by people and rejected by the opposite sex was all because I didn't fit into some made up category that movies and TV and songs on the radio said I should fit into. Seems shallow to me. So I did, I thought, "OK I'm a cute girl, and maybe a man would actually be physically attracted to me, but other than that....I doubt he would be interested in anything else....if he would even tell his friends that he was even attracted to me in that way at all." After all, I don't exactly fit what society calls the "dime piece" or the "drop dead beauty." But even if he was attracted to me physically and was proud of it, I'm still not all the things society says I should be. Yes I cook, but cooking isn't my life; no I don't care to play cat and mouse or Tom and Jerry with you when my name is Sarah and your's is whatever your name is; and no I have no desire to act like I'm OK with certain things when quite frankly, I'm not. As far as I was concerned. that pretty much knocked me out of the running.

So after years of praying that I would meet a guy who would like me for me, mainly so I wouldn't retreat to giving up totally which is an idea that I was seriously considering even at 14 and 15, now at 26 after I've given up, accepted that men didn't like me and it wasn't worth my time even allowing my mind to go in that direction with anyone, here comes God. I'll spare you the details, but needless to say, what he orchestrated challenged everything that I had logically decided on. And as far as I was concerned, there was no question about it; he was trying to set me up. I heard Paula White say one time "sometimes we REALLY don't believe God is for us." You can say that again. I thought for sure that God was trying to kill me. I know what you're thinking....how on earth did you come to that conclusion? Well, as far as I was concerned, if I experienced anymore pain and rejection and disappointment in that area of my life, and if I had to hear that voice telling me "I should have known better" after it "not working out" one more time; that I was going to indefinitely die from all that pain. I thought that I was at my pain threshold, and I was sure that anymore pain would kill me. Since, the only possible way that I could see me being open to getting to know anyone ending up was with me in terrible and horrible pain, it just made sense to me. Maybe God didn't love me after all. Maybe this was His plan all along. Maybe somewhere I got the message wrong and He was in Heaven laughing at how He was going to destroy me.

It was the only thing that made sense to me. I mean He wouldn't take my desire for male companionship away when I asked him years and years ago, and then he convicted me every single time I tried to protect myself in this particular situation. And here I was one little human being, powerless against this great big God who I thought hated me. "He must hate my guts and really have it in for me." I really thought that. I thought that God was trying to set me up. I began to alternate between being scared to death and being angrier than I've ever been in my life. The anger and the fear would consume me. I remember having palpitations and experiencing the tightening of my muscle every time I had to deal with this situation. I remember my heart speeding and my blood boiling and me feeling like I wanted to punch something just from thinking about it. Asking people's advice didn't help any, by the way. (Some people will never understand what you're going through and they may even mean well, but the truth is, since they don't understand, they probably can't help you.) How could God do this to me? Why wouldn't he take this curse from me? I mean He knows who he created and that they just don't want someone like me, so why wouldn't he just leave me alone already about the trusting Him and being open to love? What reason did I have to be open to love? What had love or the hope of love ever done for me accept cause me immeasurable pain? Why should I believe in love and trust God with this? So I could get hurt AGAIN... after I swore to myself that I would NEVER EVER allow myself to be that vulnerable again? As far as I was concerned, despite the many times that God directly told me and showed me different, when it came to this situation, I was sure that God hated my guts and that he was trying to kill me. So much so, that I tried to do it myself to beat him to the punch so to speak.

So what do you do? What do you do when you feel like God himself is ganging up on you and is trying to destroy you? The bible says this in the book of Jeremiah: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (29:11) The Amplified Bible says it this way: "For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome." You know what the key phrase in both those versions of this verse are; NOT TO HARM YOU. WELFARE AND PEACE AND NOT FOR EVIL, TO GIVE YOU HOPE...

Since everyone is in a different place spiritually, I can't say I know where you are. Maybe you're convinced like I was that no one would ever love you that way and you're just sure of it...and maybe you keep pushing away opportunities in every way possible to receive the love of God in that way. Maybe you're like me and you make excuses and try to make God fit into your logical box. (That never works.) Maybe you disguise it with little statements like "a man is gonna be a man" or "girl get some free dinner!" or other things like that. Maybe what you do is allot more subtle. Maybe you actually do smile, and you do talk on the phone, and you do go out on the date and then you quietly decide that you will NEVER be vulnerable with a man, because after all you never know....."a man is gonna be a man." Maybe you're married and you feel like that, even with a husband and children. Maybe you're a man and you feel like that and you push every woman away that gets to close for fear that you'll be rejected or hurt. Maybe you disguise it with these pretty little rules like "I don't date people I work with" or something like that really because you're afraid to feel that vulnerable with another human being. I really don't know which category you who are reading this fit into it.

I do know this: the devil that tells you that God some how hates you, or is out to get you, or is setting you up to fail or is maybe punishing you for something you or someone in your generation has done in the past, that devil is a liar. There's a song that says that we are "blessed beyond the curse." (I'm not sure if it's a bible scripture; maybe some of you bible scholars can help me out with that!! :-)
The truth is this, even if God did curse someone in our generational line way before we were here, Jesus broke the power of any curse that has been put on us when He died on the cross and rose again on the third day. So if He did curse us, our curse was lifted when we gave our lives to the Lord Jesus. Period.
Sometimes, it doesn't feel like that, I know. Sometimes fear creeps back in, sometimes things from the past come back up, and I get angry all over again, I feel isolated and misunderstood all over again, and I wanna clear my name all over again. Sometimes I wonder if I"ll ever get another chance to make it right and to explore that chance. Sometimes I cry because I don't think I will. But. you know what God continues to say to me: "TRUST ME. GIVE ME A CHANCE TO PROVE TO YOU THAT I'M ALL YOU NEED." Maybe he's saying that to you today. Maybe he's asking you to give Him a chance to be everything you need Him to be. Maybe he just wants a chance to prove that he can be the comforter, the restorer and the healer if it doesn't work out; or He just might be setting you up for the biggest blessing in the world, if you would just let Him be God.

Yeah I know, easier said than dome right? Who you tellin?
But it's either let Him make us fearless and face what we fear, or the devil wins and we miss out on something amazing that God wants to give us. Maybe there's something that you can only do with this person you're pushing away that's huge for the kingdom of God....but since you're so afraid, you're holding up the plan of God too. Maybe there's a ministry that's supposed to come forth out of your friendship with them, or your love; and the person ready to give up on life, like I was and so many others have been, or the person ready to give up on marriage and damage their kids forever with divorce, or someone about to grossly hinder the plan of God and maybe even stand in the way of someone else's healing will NEVER BE REACHED.... all because you were too scared to trust God.
Maybe there's someone who doesn't even know the Lord and is on the verge of dying and going to hell that you and this person were supposed to befriend specifically to win them to the Lord, that will die without salvation, because you won't trust God.
I don't know what it is, but I know this. It's bigger than you. It's bigger than me. Let's make a decision to trust God with this area of our lives....and to believe that He actually does love us, and isn't out to get us.
I pray that you make that decision this week, and continue to renew your decision every time you're tempted to give up. I know it's hard. I'm going through it to.
But remember this:
God is able to do exceedingly, (super)abundantly, above all we could ever ask, think or imagine.
Ephesians 3:20 (AMP, NKJV)

Be blessed.
Yours in Christ,
Sarah E. Rios
Founder and Creator

Forgiveness.....easier said than done

For the past few days, I've been struggling with something...forgiveness.
Over the past few years, it's safe to say that I've been grossly misunderstood. What else is new? The thing about it is that I was in an extremely desperate place. I was so scared and so frustrated with the idea of love or relationships or even just getting to know someone for fear that it may eventually lead up to that; that I was willing to stop living. Even after I realized that wasn't an option anymore, I was ready to walk away from my church. When God assured me that I couldn't do that, I was willing to walk away from Him, all together. I'm definitely not all knowing so I can't say for a certainty, but I have a feeling that had I listened to my emotions in that situation and would have really walked away from the Lord that day, that the devil would have had a field day with me. I mean a real one. I was angry, frustrated, scared and bitter. The constant rejection I felt in the area of love caused the fear, the anxiety, the anger , the frustration and the bitterness.

In the midst of all that desperation, and all that anxiety, and all that fear, and all that anger and frustration; I'm really not exaggerating when I say none of the people of God understood me. NONE of them. On one hand there were people who I shared things with that I shouldn't have who then "colored" some things that I said (not that I wasn't trippin), but on the other hand were the people of God. Women mostly, who I knew didn't have an agenda for anything that they were saying, but who also made it very clear by their reactions that they had no clue at all what I was struggling with or how desperate I was.

You would think that since I know the second group of people weren't out to hurt me that it would be easy to forgive them, right? Wrong, it's not. I don't know if it's just my flesh that can't stand and couldn't stand the thought of anyone thinking what some of these people thought I was really struggling with or if it's just knowing how incredibly close I was to the edge and how not even the people of God were able to discern where I was. Maybe it's both. It is rather frustration to struggle with something and have people totally misunderstand where you are; especially when spiritually, physically it can feel like life or death.

Either way, sometimes, when I think about the reaction that I got from my "sisters in Christ", it doesn't exactly bring up warm fuzzies. As a matter of fact, sometimes it still hurts a great deal. Sometimes I weep about it . Sometimes I get very angry and wish God would just let me have one moment where I could give a few people a large piece of my mind. The reactions I got: they almost made me feel like no one cared. Sometimes it's only frustrating because as rare as what I was going through was or seemed to be, I know that there are other women and young girls who felt like me; who will most likely be misunderstood by the people of God also; and what I know about them without sounding facetious; is that some of those girls will put guns to their heads, and some of them will swallow a bottle full of pills, and some of them will walk away from God, and some of them will begin living "lifestyles" that don't please God and medicate themselves; all the while convincing themselves that men don't like them, or that no man could ever want them because they're not what men want. That's real, whether we want to admit that or acknowledge that or not. As a matter of fact, I would venture to say that some women that you and I know that are involved in cults and the lifestyles we spoke about are women that are tired and frustrated with love; and tired and frustrated with being misunderstood by people, especially the people of God.
If you look at the statement about men not wanting them, on the surface it will sound like low self esteem, but if you listen more closely and with your spiritual ear, you won't hear the young woman expressing that she's unattractive or unacceptable and that's why men don't like her; you'll hear her expressing that men raised in this society even in the body of Christ are taught to be so shallow and so surface and quite frankly to regard women as objects and things to be used and tossed away, or trophies to be collected (even by other women); that there's no way that they(men) would ever be attracted to her. Besides, if men are what older women have told her all her life that they are, then she'd rather pass all together anyway.

That's much deeper than self esteem. It's actually possible to know that you have value and to still think like that, because that way of thinking really doesn't have allot to do with your qualities or your value. Now before you say "it's not about them!" and slap hi fives with your sister girls because y'all "know who you are and don't need a man for anything" again, listen again.
Her argument isn't that since she isn't valuable that men won't like her, her argument is that since it's impossible for men to see her value because they've been brainwashed by a society that judges a woman by how long or short her hair is or how thin or skinny her waste is or how coy or submissive she is or is not; that the idea that God would create her in such a way whereby she will always on some level want the companionship of a man is just cruel.
That girl never said, "I'm ugly so men don't like me." She never said that....and when you treat her like she did, or like she's running after someone when really she's so scared to death that she's doing everything in her power to run away from, and sabotage friendship with.......you're not helping. As a matter of fact, you become part of the problem. You might as well just say "You're crazy and you're making all that up." You only make her feel even more isolated. You only prove to her what she already thought which is that no one understands. What's worse: the more you reiterate that, the more she thinks that you just don't care.

So anyways, here's the point. Forgiveness is hard sometimes. It is possible to harbor unforgiveness toward someone even though you know they weren't deliberately trying to hurt you. It's kind of ironic really, when I look back on the events of the past few years, I realize that although a large part of me was consumed with pushing romantic love away at all costs; there was another part of me that wanted to push away friendship at all costs; scared to death that something like what ended up happening would happen. In the book of Job, there's a scripture that says "For the thing which I greatly feared is come on me, and that which I was afraid of is come to me.." (3:25) I know first hand what that's like.
The idea of forgiving them is still hard.

Even though I know I have to do it. Sometimes things can hurt you so deeply that every time you think of them, your stomach gets sower, and you almost feel the offense all over again. You think you're over it and then it hits you like a mack truck that the person really did that or said that; and you just can't believe it. Particularly if it's someone you trusted.

What I have learned and what I am learning is that you ABSOLUTELY have to forgive them. If you don't, the devil will use it as a barrier to keep you from all that God has prepared for you to have, to experience and to do. So you HAVE to forgive them. No matter how horrible it is. No matter what they did or said. Whether it's rape or sexual abuse, or infidelity or even a misunderstanding, if you don't forgive them the devil will use that to keep you in bondage. So you HAVE to forgive them.

The good news: God did send me one friend who REALLY UNDERSTANDS what I was going through. I don't have to speak in code with her when I ask her to pray, because she understands first hand. She'll never judge me and tell me I need to "get over it" or "ignore" or anything else over simplistic like that. the reason why: she knows first hand. She's been there. So I don't have to pull punches with her. Thank God. Too bad I can't do that with people I share spiritual space with. But even with that being the case, I still have to forgive them.

It's hard, definitely. Sometimes, you forgive them but you know you'll never trust them again, you know your friendship or your relationship is forever changed, and that can cause tension. But you have no other choice but to forgive them.
I heard someone say this once: "forgiveness doesn't make what the person did OK, it makes you OK." It's not about them getting what they deserve, God will take care of that. He MOST DEFINITELY IS a God of justice. It's about you getting what you deserve which is to walk in freedom.

So take it from someone whose struggling with this concept herself, forgive them. Forgive them over and over again if you have to, forgive them every it comes up, every time you remember. Forgive themn all over again. It's a hard pill to swallow, but it's the only way to be completely healed.
Let's continue to be healed together.

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." Matthew 18:21-22 KJV

"And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven (left, remitted, and let go of the debts, and have given up resentment against) our debtors."Matthew 6;12 AMP

Yours in Christ,
Sarah E. Rios
Creator and Founder

Give and it shall be given unto you, runnin over, pressed down, shaken together shall men pour into your bossom.

Today,
I saw the love of God in action.
My pastor said to the congregation "If you're in a serious financial bind, come up here now." As people moved, he admonished all of us to trust God more with our finances.
Then he instructed all of them (the people who had come up) to turn around and face the congregation. They did. Then he said to us (the congregation) to help these people any way we could. To trust God with our finances enough to be sensitive to how He wanted to bless us, through us being used to bless other people.
I saw people going up there and giving people however much they could. I, like most of us was thinking about all of my own financial responsibilities. I knew when I felt God, so I moved. I wrote a check to someone for twenty dollars. Twenty dollars. I wish I could have given allot more. (Which is why I gotta get this entrepreneurship thing figured out...) In the midst of it all, as she cried and took my check from me, I felt like even though I gave her money, and even though she and many others were receiving money from other people, that the ones that walked away being more blessed weren't the ones receiving, but the ones giving.
Here's why:
No one cares how much you know till they know how much you care. As I walked up, I felt God ministering to me and letting me know that He is indeed a sovereign God and in control of every situation. I felt the love of God so completely.

Here's the thing about this...in the area of love and romance, I know that some of us feel that there's no point or advantage in being giving. But just like the encounter that so many of us had with the Lord earlier today at service, and countless others have experienced in their own lives, the blessing comes when you decide to allow yourself to be used as a conduit to bless other people. I know someone who had been so incredibly hurt in relationships and I'm sure on the verge of giving up....and right when she was almost done with love all together, God blesses her with amazing love. You know what's ironic, unless you decide to let go of the hurt and embrace the future, and free yourself up to give to someone else, you can't experience that. Giving for me is something so basic and small to many. Just being nice, smiling. Sounds basic you would think, especially for a Christian... Unless you're tired enough of being rejected and unless you're paralyzed with fear of the unknown, fear that you'll be hurt again.
I'm now embarking on a new journey of trusting God. Some times my logic still tries to get in the way. But since I have taken steps forward and have trusted God at least enough to smile more, I know that the huge blessing God wants to give me and the amazing love that He wants to bless me with is right around the corner. I'm not the point though. The thing is this: anyone can have a certainty and surety in knowing that the same God that made sure that so many people's needs were met this morning is the same God who will protect, bless, and uphold them. Love is real. "Love STILL exists and has no boundaries." I pray that you trust God this week to give. I know that you're giving will make room for God to bless you. In your finances, in your everyday life, with your friends, your kids, your neighbors, and definitely in your love lives. Whether it's your spouse, your girlfriend/boyfriend or just your friend; or even if you don't have a person of interest and all you have is you and your family and your friends, I challenge you to be more giving this week. I take the challenge myself. I'm in this fight with you.
Be blessed by the most high God and His amazing love.
Sarah E. Rios
Creator and Founder

EAGLE EYE OR HOLY SPIRIT?

Last weekend there was a movie that came out called "Eagle Eye" starring Shia Labuef. (Some of you fellow partakers of Disney Channel comedy may know him from a show called "Even Stevens" and if you're a movie buff like me, you know him from "Distrubia", "Wholes" and a cameo appearance in "Man on Fire."
Anyways, without ruining it for those of you who have yet to see it, the plot is basically this: a young man getting a call from a random woman that he has never met giving him very definite instructions. She starts out by threatening him and telling him that if he doesn't do what she says that bad things will happen to him and maybe even those he loves. She begins to tell him about bomb squads that are no doubt coming to break his door down and put guns in his face in 5 minutes if he doesn't do what she says. As the movie progresses, we find out that she seems to be the one pulling the strings. She always tells him to do unconventional seemingly senseless things like chase police cars in the middle of traffic and hold up armed guards transporting billions of dollars. He grows more and more frustrated as the story progresses. (Wouldn't you?) He continues to ask her questions about herself like "who are you?" "how do you know my name?" and "how are you seeing us right now?" (You may have seen that one in the previews for the film.) She continues to refuse to answer him with her monotoned, expressionless voice answering "no questions."
As I was watching this film, I saw a striking similarity between this mysterious character in the film and the Lord and His dealing with us. Now first of all let's get one thing straight: God loves us....unashamedly and unflinchingly. The Bible says that "For God so LOVED the world (that would be us), that He gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16) Although our sin nature that is part of our DNA should send us to hell according to Romans 6:23 ("The wages of sin is death...), God proved his intense and complete love for us by giving us His son, and since He and His son are one, essentially becoming sin for us so that we can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that our sins are forgiven now and forever, that our debt is paid. I would definitely say that is INTENSE love.
He loves us very deeply and would never ever do anything to hurt us.
However, He does tend to be extremely unconventional and operate outside of our logic. In so doing, there are things that He asks us to do and things that He tells us will happen that quite frankly just don't seem to add up. The thing is when you're not familiar enough with God, and/or when life has hurt you so much and so deeply, sometimes it's easy to think that God isn't for you at all and isn't working something out for your good at all but instead is setting you up to hurt you. It's easy to feel like you are an experiment to God, and that you're really only a pawn in some cosmic chess game that he's playing and that you don't matter to Him at all...kinda like the woman in "Eagle Eye" with her illogical instructions and disregard for those who she used.
When you have that perception of God, even if you're spiritual ears are tuned into Him enough to hear him, you won't trust anything that he says. It may only be in one area or it may transcend to other areas of your life, but the fact is, that if this is your perception of God, every time you hear the voice of God say something that makes no sense to you, be it negative or positive.......like the characters in the movie, you will start to feel anxious and scared and fearful and stressed out at the promises of God, rather than expectant and hopeful.
I have an intimate knowledge of this. If God tells me that Hes going to increase my finances, I believe Him and I celebrate; if He tells me He will expand my ministry, I believe Him and I celebrate; but when God says to me that I will have love in my life, and that it will be a love so intense that people will be convicted by the Holy Spirit just from being in the presence of me and my future husband without us ever having to necessarily mention God's name; when God says to me that I will be married to an awesome man of God, who will love me like Christ loves the Church and who will cover me and pray for me.......
you guessed it, I've looked at God and twisted my mouth as if to say "yeah right, like that can happen." It got so bad that I got angry at God because I felt like He definitely was trying to hurt me by continuing to tell me I would have something that it was evident to me that I would never have. Even now after all the anger towards God over that has subsided, the disbelief and doubt still sometimes rear it's ugly head. Even recently, it has caused me have bouts with anxiety; major anxiety. I mean the type of anxiety that causes your heart rate to speed up and an overwhelming feeling of dread to come over you. Meanwhile, God's word remains the same. He continues to reiterate that He will do what he said He would do and that no devil in hell can stop Him or come against what He's ordained.
The truth of the matter: sometimes it is hard to believe God....especially when you've given up hope. Sometimes it is hard to trust God, particularly in this area of love.
It's very easy to think that God has it in for you, and is trying to hurt you. The devil will have you believe that God doesn't want to bless you but hurt you and that any instruction that he could possibly give you will ultimately lead to your demise. Whether your idea of demise is ending up with the wrong person, being single for the rest of your life, or whether your idea of demise is trading the freedom of being yourself to obtain love, the prospect of any of these can be scary and cause us to try to "play God" so to speak in the area of our love lives. It can cause us to try to control every single solitary aspect of it.
The fact is that God does love us and He does want to bless us. He does have our best interest at heart. He's not trying to hurt us, and He doesn't disregard us.
He's in love with us all... each individually, and He wants to blow our minds with how much he loves us. He wants to show us. But we have to trust him. Easy to say, I know.
I don't know about you guys, but the devil has stolen enough moments from me that God meant for me to enjoy and has destroyed enough relationships that could have been fulfilling to me because of fear. So I need to begin practicing now:

Yes God. I receive all that you have for me. I receive the awesome man of God you want to bless me with. I receive the love you have in store for me. I receive the love that will win others to you. I receive the friendship and the companionship of the man of God who you created me for, and I pray for his safety and his favor. God I thank you for our upcoming friendship...and I thank you that no weapon that is formed against him will prosper and every tongue that rises up against him will be condemned. Thank you for being patient with me. I love you Daddy.
In Jesus Name.
Amen

Maybe there's something you need to say to God, maybe you need to draw a line in the sand and decide that you do in fact trust Him, even when you don't get it...and just maybe, when you do that, there will be a blessing waiting for you.
I pray that God reveals that to you this week.
Be blessed.

Sarah E. Rios
Creator and Founder