Have you ever felt like you were being set up by God? I have. I'm sure you can guess in what area I felt that right. Love, relationships, of course what else.
It's actually kind of interesting; almost every other area, I would look at the devil like he was stupid with his crazy accusations. I "punked" the devil on everything else as we would say in urban vernacular. When my mother was diagnosed with cancer a couple of years ago, my response was "yeah right, CANCER. You wish you could take my mother our with cancer." I'm not exaggerating that's how I really reacted. I had so much faith about that, one night, soon after my mom got the diagnosis I remember lying in my bed and crying thinking that I didn't know what on earth I would do without her.....and I remember something saying "your mom's gonna die." (You do know that was the devil right?) You know what my answer was: "And...? If she does dies she's going home to the one that loves her more than anyone on earth ever could so she's STILL healed!! What else you got??"
When my uncle was diagnosed with Cancer, same thing. I had the same reaction. When he died, guess what my reaction was: He came to know the Lord before He died so all he did was go home....so He's STILL healed, and what? I even had the audacity to declare that God was going to use that tragedy to bring more people in my family to the Lord. How's that for belief?
Does that sound like amazing faith to you? ...Yeah me too. So how on earth did the same woman who talked back that boldly to the devil in that situation, have SOOOOOO much anxiety and fear when it came to love? Doesn't make sense to me either.
Today, in church, there was a man of God from South Africa preaching about things to do when you're in a tight situation. He spoke about how you have to be connected to the right people. In other words, know who your real friends are. Then he spoke about having people in your corner that can hold your ladder. In other words, people who will pray for you and be more relentless than you for the things that God has promised you. Right there I almost checked out of the message. Have you ever been so hurt by something that happened that it almost handicapped you for the rest of your life? Sometimes it's been two, three, five, ten, fifteen years ago, and it still hurts just like it happened yesterday. Have you ever had something that wouldn't hurt an ordinary person to that magnitude maim you....maybe because of your perception or something that hasn't been healed from your past? I have. As a matter of fact, something like that happened not to long ago. Last week, I wrote about having to forgive people that I quite frankly don't believe (sometimes) deserve to be forgiven. Most people would think that I'm blowing it way out of proportion, but that's how much it hurts. That involved people who I (at least in my opinion) should have been able to trust, the people of God. No the people of God aren't perfect but you mean to tell me I can't be candid about my struggle in hopes that my brothers and sisters in Christ won't use it against me but go to throne for me? Wow.
Anyways, I digress. As I started to think about people who I trusted to hold my ladder that didn't, yeah it started to hurt all over again. But as I tuned back in to the message from God, the man of God talked about getting to place of praise, even when you don't understand, even when it's uncomfortable, even when you think you're gonna die. That's not an easy thing to do, at all. I can finally testify that the devil hasn't stolen my praise for more that 60 minutes in the past four or five months. That's huge for me, because I was operating on a praise team and the devil would steal my praise for weeks and months at a time, either with anger or with fear. Let me tell you first hand, when you dare to praise and worship God even when you don't know what the heck is going on, and even when you don't understand what God is doing, something releases in the spirit realm. That can break up that spirit of fear that wants to creep in.
Speaking of fear; when I got home, I heard a woman of God say "let go of your fears and turn it over to Him." Last week my pastor said "Let go of your fear." The woman of God also said "some of you are being anxious and worrying over things you may never even experience; paying interest on something you may never take ownership of." Do you see a pattern?
"Sarah, why can't you just trust God already?" you may ask. I don't intend any disrespect when I say this: but I don't really expect most people to understand. I did at one time, but not anymore. The thing is that ever since I was a little girl, I really just felt that I would be alone. I did. I mean people in general didn't like me, I was picked on all the time. Even though I was just a little girl, it occured to me back then that "if people don't even like me, what man is ever going to?" As I grew older, it just got worse. The teasing didn't stop which further reiterated to me that "yup, I'm going to most likely be alone." I didn't wanna end up alone. I wanted to grow up and meet prince charming like most little girls, and I hoped and hoped and hoped and fantasized and fantasized. I cried when boys I liked didn't like me (which they never did by the way); even into my teen years in high school. I never talked to anyone about that, because honestly, who was I going to talk to. My parents were brought up in a culture where a girl didn't even mention that a movie star was attractive until she was 18 or 19 and even then she treded lightly. I never understood how that same culture encouraged you to get married at like 20, when boys couldn't even call you or come see you until about a year or two before that. Anyways...(If you have children, particularly girls, there's a hint in there, I hope you get it. Don't do that. Avoid ridiculous. You're not protecting or helping, you're hurting.)
Eventually, any hope that I had that I would one day end up with this wonderful man died a little with each rejection. Rejection, by the way, doesn't have to involve anyone pursuing or anything, especially when you've been rejected allot, all someone has to do to reject you and hurt you badly is not feel the way about you that you feel about them, and there it is; you're rejected. That doesn't have to involve you calling them or going after them or any of that. If they stare at you for more than five minutes and never say anything, or if you go out on one date and they never call you again, or if you just hint at the fact that you might like them and someone else gives you a stack of reasons why they probably don't like you; guess what, it's hurts just as bad as if they would have rejected you to your face, worse actually. At least if they say it to your face you never wonder about it again.
At about 26 or so, I was totally convinced that love was not in the cards for me, (if I may use that expression.) Period. Understand, I'm a thoughtful and very analytical person. So I know you know someone who thinks that way and you're first response is "they don't love themselves and they have low self esteem," but....not necessarily. See, I had FINALLY gotten to the place where I accepted myself. So much so, I was like "whoever doesn't like me is probably shallow anyways so who would care if they didn't like me?" ( I was angry at this point. Mostly because I couldn't see anything cosmically wrong with me that wasn't wrong with the average person.) I know that sounds harsh, but it seemed to me like every reason why I was being rejected by people and rejected by the opposite sex was all because I didn't fit into some made up category that movies and TV and songs on the radio said I should fit into. Seems shallow to me. So I did, I thought, "OK I'm a cute girl, and maybe a man would actually be physically attracted to me, but other than that....I doubt he would be interested in anything else....if he would even tell his friends that he was even attracted to me in that way at all." After all, I don't exactly fit what society calls the "dime piece" or the "drop dead beauty." But even if he was attracted to me physically and was proud of it, I'm still not all the things society says I should be. Yes I cook, but cooking isn't my life; no I don't care to play cat and mouse or Tom and Jerry with you when my name is Sarah and your's is whatever your name is; and no I have no desire to act like I'm OK with certain things when quite frankly, I'm not. As far as I was concerned. that pretty much knocked me out of the running.
So after years of praying that I would meet a guy who would like me for me, mainly so I wouldn't retreat to giving up totally which is an idea that I was seriously considering even at 14 and 15, now at 26 after I've given up, accepted that men didn't like me and it wasn't worth my time even allowing my mind to go in that direction with anyone, here comes God. I'll spare you the details, but needless to say, what he orchestrated challenged everything that I had logically decided on. And as far as I was concerned, there was no question about it; he was trying to set me up. I heard Paula White say one time "sometimes we REALLY don't believe God is for us." You can say that again. I thought for sure that God was trying to kill me. I know what you're thinking....how on earth did you come to that conclusion? Well, as far as I was concerned, if I experienced anymore pain and rejection and disappointment in that area of my life, and if I had to hear that voice telling me "I should have known better" after it "not working out" one more time; that I was going to indefinitely die from all that pain. I thought that I was at my pain threshold, and I was sure that anymore pain would kill me. Since, the only possible way that I could see me being open to getting to know anyone ending up was with me in terrible and horrible pain, it just made sense to me. Maybe God didn't love me after all. Maybe this was His plan all along. Maybe somewhere I got the message wrong and He was in Heaven laughing at how He was going to destroy me.
It was the only thing that made sense to me. I mean He wouldn't take my desire for male companionship away when I asked him years and years ago, and then he convicted me every single time I tried to protect myself in this particular situation. And here I was one little human being, powerless against this great big God who I thought hated me. "He must hate my guts and really have it in for me." I really thought that. I thought that God was trying to set me up. I began to alternate between being scared to death and being angrier than I've ever been in my life. The anger and the fear would consume me. I remember having palpitations and experiencing the tightening of my muscle every time I had to deal with this situation. I remember my heart speeding and my blood boiling and me feeling like I wanted to punch something just from thinking about it. Asking people's advice didn't help any, by the way. (Some people will never understand what you're going through and they may even mean well, but the truth is, since they don't understand, they probably can't help you.) How could God do this to me? Why wouldn't he take this curse from me? I mean He knows who he created and that they just don't want someone like me, so why wouldn't he just leave me alone already about the trusting Him and being open to love? What reason did I have to be open to love? What had love or the hope of love ever done for me accept cause me immeasurable pain? Why should I believe in love and trust God with this? So I could get hurt AGAIN... after I swore to myself that I would NEVER EVER allow myself to be that vulnerable again? As far as I was concerned, despite the many times that God directly told me and showed me different, when it came to this situation, I was sure that God hated my guts and that he was trying to kill me. So much so, that I tried to do it myself to beat him to the punch so to speak.
So what do you do? What do you do when you feel like God himself is ganging up on you and is trying to destroy you? The bible says this in the book of Jeremiah: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (29:11) The Amplified Bible says it this way: "For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome." You know what the key phrase in both those versions of this verse are; NOT TO HARM YOU. WELFARE AND PEACE AND NOT FOR EVIL, TO GIVE YOU HOPE...
Since everyone is in a different place spiritually, I can't say I know where you are. Maybe you're convinced like I was that no one would ever love you that way and you're just sure of it...and maybe you keep pushing away opportunities in every way possible to receive the love of God in that way. Maybe you're like me and you make excuses and try to make God fit into your logical box. (That never works.) Maybe you disguise it with little statements like "a man is gonna be a man" or "girl get some free dinner!" or other things like that. Maybe what you do is allot more subtle. Maybe you actually do smile, and you do talk on the phone, and you do go out on the date and then you quietly decide that you will NEVER be vulnerable with a man, because after all you never know....."a man is gonna be a man." Maybe you're married and you feel like that, even with a husband and children. Maybe you're a man and you feel like that and you push every woman away that gets to close for fear that you'll be rejected or hurt. Maybe you disguise it with these pretty little rules like "I don't date people I work with" or something like that really because you're afraid to feel that vulnerable with another human being. I really don't know which category you who are reading this fit into it.
I do know this: the devil that tells you that God some how hates you, or is out to get you, or is setting you up to fail or is maybe punishing you for something you or someone in your generation has done in the past, that devil is a liar. There's a song that says that we are "blessed beyond the curse." (I'm not sure if it's a bible scripture; maybe some of you bible scholars can help me out with that!! :-)
The truth is this, even if God did curse someone in our generational line way before we were here, Jesus broke the power of any curse that has been put on us when He died on the cross and rose again on the third day. So if He did curse us, our curse was lifted when we gave our lives to the Lord Jesus. Period.
Sometimes, it doesn't feel like that, I know. Sometimes fear creeps back in, sometimes things from the past come back up, and I get angry all over again, I feel isolated and misunderstood all over again, and I wanna clear my name all over again. Sometimes I wonder if I"ll ever get another chance to make it right and to explore that chance. Sometimes I cry because I don't think I will. But. you know what God continues to say to me: "TRUST ME. GIVE ME A CHANCE TO PROVE TO YOU THAT I'M ALL YOU NEED." Maybe he's saying that to you today. Maybe he's asking you to give Him a chance to be everything you need Him to be. Maybe he just wants a chance to prove that he can be the comforter, the restorer and the healer if it doesn't work out; or He just might be setting you up for the biggest blessing in the world, if you would just let Him be God.
Yeah I know, easier said than dome right? Who you tellin?
But it's either let Him make us fearless and face what we fear, or the devil wins and we miss out on something amazing that God wants to give us. Maybe there's something that you can only do with this person you're pushing away that's huge for the kingdom of God....but since you're so afraid, you're holding up the plan of God too. Maybe there's a ministry that's supposed to come forth out of your friendship with them, or your love; and the person ready to give up on life, like I was and so many others have been, or the person ready to give up on marriage and damage their kids forever with divorce, or someone about to grossly hinder the plan of God and maybe even stand in the way of someone else's healing will NEVER BE REACHED.... all because you were too scared to trust God.
Maybe there's someone who doesn't even know the Lord and is on the verge of dying and going to hell that you and this person were supposed to befriend specifically to win them to the Lord, that will die without salvation, because you won't trust God.
I don't know what it is, but I know this. It's bigger than you. It's bigger than me. Let's make a decision to trust God with this area of our lives....and to believe that He actually does love us, and isn't out to get us.
I pray that you make that decision this week, and continue to renew your decision every time you're tempted to give up. I know it's hard. I'm going through it to.
But remember this:
God is able to do exceedingly, (super)abundantly, above all we could ever ask, think or imagine.
Ephesians 3:20 (AMP, NKJV)
Be blessed.
Yours in Christ,
Sarah E. Rios
Founder and Creator
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Forgiveness.....easier said than done
For the past few days, I've been struggling with something...forgiveness.
Over the past few years, it's safe to say that I've been grossly misunderstood. What else is new? The thing about it is that I was in an extremely desperate place. I was so scared and so frustrated with the idea of love or relationships or even just getting to know someone for fear that it may eventually lead up to that; that I was willing to stop living. Even after I realized that wasn't an option anymore, I was ready to walk away from my church. When God assured me that I couldn't do that, I was willing to walk away from Him, all together. I'm definitely not all knowing so I can't say for a certainty, but I have a feeling that had I listened to my emotions in that situation and would have really walked away from the Lord that day, that the devil would have had a field day with me. I mean a real one. I was angry, frustrated, scared and bitter. The constant rejection I felt in the area of love caused the fear, the anxiety, the anger , the frustration and the bitterness.
In the midst of all that desperation, and all that anxiety, and all that fear, and all that anger and frustration; I'm really not exaggerating when I say none of the people of God understood me. NONE of them. On one hand there were people who I shared things with that I shouldn't have who then "colored" some things that I said (not that I wasn't trippin), but on the other hand were the people of God. Women mostly, who I knew didn't have an agenda for anything that they were saying, but who also made it very clear by their reactions that they had no clue at all what I was struggling with or how desperate I was.
You would think that since I know the second group of people weren't out to hurt me that it would be easy to forgive them, right? Wrong, it's not. I don't know if it's just my flesh that can't stand and couldn't stand the thought of anyone thinking what some of these people thought I was really struggling with or if it's just knowing how incredibly close I was to the edge and how not even the people of God were able to discern where I was. Maybe it's both. It is rather frustration to struggle with something and have people totally misunderstand where you are; especially when spiritually, physically it can feel like life or death.
Either way, sometimes, when I think about the reaction that I got from my "sisters in Christ", it doesn't exactly bring up warm fuzzies. As a matter of fact, sometimes it still hurts a great deal. Sometimes I weep about it . Sometimes I get very angry and wish God would just let me have one moment where I could give a few people a large piece of my mind. The reactions I got: they almost made me feel like no one cared. Sometimes it's only frustrating because as rare as what I was going through was or seemed to be, I know that there are other women and young girls who felt like me; who will most likely be misunderstood by the people of God also; and what I know about them without sounding facetious; is that some of those girls will put guns to their heads, and some of them will swallow a bottle full of pills, and some of them will walk away from God, and some of them will begin living "lifestyles" that don't please God and medicate themselves; all the while convincing themselves that men don't like them, or that no man could ever want them because they're not what men want. That's real, whether we want to admit that or acknowledge that or not. As a matter of fact, I would venture to say that some women that you and I know that are involved in cults and the lifestyles we spoke about are women that are tired and frustrated with love; and tired and frustrated with being misunderstood by people, especially the people of God.
If you look at the statement about men not wanting them, on the surface it will sound like low self esteem, but if you listen more closely and with your spiritual ear, you won't hear the young woman expressing that she's unattractive or unacceptable and that's why men don't like her; you'll hear her expressing that men raised in this society even in the body of Christ are taught to be so shallow and so surface and quite frankly to regard women as objects and things to be used and tossed away, or trophies to be collected (even by other women); that there's no way that they(men) would ever be attracted to her. Besides, if men are what older women have told her all her life that they are, then she'd rather pass all together anyway.
That's much deeper than self esteem. It's actually possible to know that you have value and to still think like that, because that way of thinking really doesn't have allot to do with your qualities or your value. Now before you say "it's not about them!" and slap hi fives with your sister girls because y'all "know who you are and don't need a man for anything" again, listen again.
Her argument isn't that since she isn't valuable that men won't like her, her argument is that since it's impossible for men to see her value because they've been brainwashed by a society that judges a woman by how long or short her hair is or how thin or skinny her waste is or how coy or submissive she is or is not; that the idea that God would create her in such a way whereby she will always on some level want the companionship of a man is just cruel.
That girl never said, "I'm ugly so men don't like me." She never said that....and when you treat her like she did, or like she's running after someone when really she's so scared to death that she's doing everything in her power to run away from, and sabotage friendship with.......you're not helping. As a matter of fact, you become part of the problem. You might as well just say "You're crazy and you're making all that up." You only make her feel even more isolated. You only prove to her what she already thought which is that no one understands. What's worse: the more you reiterate that, the more she thinks that you just don't care.
So anyways, here's the point. Forgiveness is hard sometimes. It is possible to harbor unforgiveness toward someone even though you know they weren't deliberately trying to hurt you. It's kind of ironic really, when I look back on the events of the past few years, I realize that although a large part of me was consumed with pushing romantic love away at all costs; there was another part of me that wanted to push away friendship at all costs; scared to death that something like what ended up happening would happen. In the book of Job, there's a scripture that says "For the thing which I greatly feared is come on me, and that which I was afraid of is come to me.." (3:25) I know first hand what that's like.
The idea of forgiving them is still hard.
Even though I know I have to do it. Sometimes things can hurt you so deeply that every time you think of them, your stomach gets sower, and you almost feel the offense all over again. You think you're over it and then it hits you like a mack truck that the person really did that or said that; and you just can't believe it. Particularly if it's someone you trusted.
What I have learned and what I am learning is that you ABSOLUTELY have to forgive them. If you don't, the devil will use it as a barrier to keep you from all that God has prepared for you to have, to experience and to do. So you HAVE to forgive them. No matter how horrible it is. No matter what they did or said. Whether it's rape or sexual abuse, or infidelity or even a misunderstanding, if you don't forgive them the devil will use that to keep you in bondage. So you HAVE to forgive them.
The good news: God did send me one friend who REALLY UNDERSTANDS what I was going through. I don't have to speak in code with her when I ask her to pray, because she understands first hand. She'll never judge me and tell me I need to "get over it" or "ignore" or anything else over simplistic like that. the reason why: she knows first hand. She's been there. So I don't have to pull punches with her. Thank God. Too bad I can't do that with people I share spiritual space with. But even with that being the case, I still have to forgive them.
It's hard, definitely. Sometimes, you forgive them but you know you'll never trust them again, you know your friendship or your relationship is forever changed, and that can cause tension. But you have no other choice but to forgive them.
I heard someone say this once: "forgiveness doesn't make what the person did OK, it makes you OK." It's not about them getting what they deserve, God will take care of that. He MOST DEFINITELY IS a God of justice. It's about you getting what you deserve which is to walk in freedom.
So take it from someone whose struggling with this concept herself, forgive them. Forgive them over and over again if you have to, forgive them every it comes up, every time you remember. Forgive themn all over again. It's a hard pill to swallow, but it's the only way to be completely healed.
Let's continue to be healed together.
"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." Matthew 18:21-22 KJV
"And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven (left, remitted, and let go of the debts, and have given up resentment against) our debtors."Matthew 6;12 AMP
Yours in Christ,
Sarah E. Rios
Creator and Founder
Over the past few years, it's safe to say that I've been grossly misunderstood. What else is new? The thing about it is that I was in an extremely desperate place. I was so scared and so frustrated with the idea of love or relationships or even just getting to know someone for fear that it may eventually lead up to that; that I was willing to stop living. Even after I realized that wasn't an option anymore, I was ready to walk away from my church. When God assured me that I couldn't do that, I was willing to walk away from Him, all together. I'm definitely not all knowing so I can't say for a certainty, but I have a feeling that had I listened to my emotions in that situation and would have really walked away from the Lord that day, that the devil would have had a field day with me. I mean a real one. I was angry, frustrated, scared and bitter. The constant rejection I felt in the area of love caused the fear, the anxiety, the anger , the frustration and the bitterness.
In the midst of all that desperation, and all that anxiety, and all that fear, and all that anger and frustration; I'm really not exaggerating when I say none of the people of God understood me. NONE of them. On one hand there were people who I shared things with that I shouldn't have who then "colored" some things that I said (not that I wasn't trippin), but on the other hand were the people of God. Women mostly, who I knew didn't have an agenda for anything that they were saying, but who also made it very clear by their reactions that they had no clue at all what I was struggling with or how desperate I was.
You would think that since I know the second group of people weren't out to hurt me that it would be easy to forgive them, right? Wrong, it's not. I don't know if it's just my flesh that can't stand and couldn't stand the thought of anyone thinking what some of these people thought I was really struggling with or if it's just knowing how incredibly close I was to the edge and how not even the people of God were able to discern where I was. Maybe it's both. It is rather frustration to struggle with something and have people totally misunderstand where you are; especially when spiritually, physically it can feel like life or death.
Either way, sometimes, when I think about the reaction that I got from my "sisters in Christ", it doesn't exactly bring up warm fuzzies. As a matter of fact, sometimes it still hurts a great deal. Sometimes I weep about it . Sometimes I get very angry and wish God would just let me have one moment where I could give a few people a large piece of my mind. The reactions I got: they almost made me feel like no one cared. Sometimes it's only frustrating because as rare as what I was going through was or seemed to be, I know that there are other women and young girls who felt like me; who will most likely be misunderstood by the people of God also; and what I know about them without sounding facetious; is that some of those girls will put guns to their heads, and some of them will swallow a bottle full of pills, and some of them will walk away from God, and some of them will begin living "lifestyles" that don't please God and medicate themselves; all the while convincing themselves that men don't like them, or that no man could ever want them because they're not what men want. That's real, whether we want to admit that or acknowledge that or not. As a matter of fact, I would venture to say that some women that you and I know that are involved in cults and the lifestyles we spoke about are women that are tired and frustrated with love; and tired and frustrated with being misunderstood by people, especially the people of God.
If you look at the statement about men not wanting them, on the surface it will sound like low self esteem, but if you listen more closely and with your spiritual ear, you won't hear the young woman expressing that she's unattractive or unacceptable and that's why men don't like her; you'll hear her expressing that men raised in this society even in the body of Christ are taught to be so shallow and so surface and quite frankly to regard women as objects and things to be used and tossed away, or trophies to be collected (even by other women); that there's no way that they(men) would ever be attracted to her. Besides, if men are what older women have told her all her life that they are, then she'd rather pass all together anyway.
That's much deeper than self esteem. It's actually possible to know that you have value and to still think like that, because that way of thinking really doesn't have allot to do with your qualities or your value. Now before you say "it's not about them!" and slap hi fives with your sister girls because y'all "know who you are and don't need a man for anything" again, listen again.
Her argument isn't that since she isn't valuable that men won't like her, her argument is that since it's impossible for men to see her value because they've been brainwashed by a society that judges a woman by how long or short her hair is or how thin or skinny her waste is or how coy or submissive she is or is not; that the idea that God would create her in such a way whereby she will always on some level want the companionship of a man is just cruel.
That girl never said, "I'm ugly so men don't like me." She never said that....and when you treat her like she did, or like she's running after someone when really she's so scared to death that she's doing everything in her power to run away from, and sabotage friendship with.......you're not helping. As a matter of fact, you become part of the problem. You might as well just say "You're crazy and you're making all that up." You only make her feel even more isolated. You only prove to her what she already thought which is that no one understands. What's worse: the more you reiterate that, the more she thinks that you just don't care.
So anyways, here's the point. Forgiveness is hard sometimes. It is possible to harbor unforgiveness toward someone even though you know they weren't deliberately trying to hurt you. It's kind of ironic really, when I look back on the events of the past few years, I realize that although a large part of me was consumed with pushing romantic love away at all costs; there was another part of me that wanted to push away friendship at all costs; scared to death that something like what ended up happening would happen. In the book of Job, there's a scripture that says "For the thing which I greatly feared is come on me, and that which I was afraid of is come to me.." (3:25) I know first hand what that's like.
The idea of forgiving them is still hard.
Even though I know I have to do it. Sometimes things can hurt you so deeply that every time you think of them, your stomach gets sower, and you almost feel the offense all over again. You think you're over it and then it hits you like a mack truck that the person really did that or said that; and you just can't believe it. Particularly if it's someone you trusted.
What I have learned and what I am learning is that you ABSOLUTELY have to forgive them. If you don't, the devil will use it as a barrier to keep you from all that God has prepared for you to have, to experience and to do. So you HAVE to forgive them. No matter how horrible it is. No matter what they did or said. Whether it's rape or sexual abuse, or infidelity or even a misunderstanding, if you don't forgive them the devil will use that to keep you in bondage. So you HAVE to forgive them.
The good news: God did send me one friend who REALLY UNDERSTANDS what I was going through. I don't have to speak in code with her when I ask her to pray, because she understands first hand. She'll never judge me and tell me I need to "get over it" or "ignore" or anything else over simplistic like that. the reason why: she knows first hand. She's been there. So I don't have to pull punches with her. Thank God. Too bad I can't do that with people I share spiritual space with. But even with that being the case, I still have to forgive them.
It's hard, definitely. Sometimes, you forgive them but you know you'll never trust them again, you know your friendship or your relationship is forever changed, and that can cause tension. But you have no other choice but to forgive them.
I heard someone say this once: "forgiveness doesn't make what the person did OK, it makes you OK." It's not about them getting what they deserve, God will take care of that. He MOST DEFINITELY IS a God of justice. It's about you getting what you deserve which is to walk in freedom.
So take it from someone whose struggling with this concept herself, forgive them. Forgive them over and over again if you have to, forgive them every it comes up, every time you remember. Forgive themn all over again. It's a hard pill to swallow, but it's the only way to be completely healed.
Let's continue to be healed together.
"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." Matthew 18:21-22 KJV
"And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven (left, remitted, and let go of the debts, and have given up resentment against) our debtors."Matthew 6;12 AMP
Yours in Christ,
Sarah E. Rios
Creator and Founder
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Give and it shall be given unto you, runnin over, pressed down, shaken together shall men pour into your bossom.
Today,
I saw the love of God in action.
My pastor said to the congregation "If you're in a serious financial bind, come up here now." As people moved, he admonished all of us to trust God more with our finances.
Then he instructed all of them (the people who had come up) to turn around and face the congregation. They did. Then he said to us (the congregation) to help these people any way we could. To trust God with our finances enough to be sensitive to how He wanted to bless us, through us being used to bless other people.
I saw people going up there and giving people however much they could. I, like most of us was thinking about all of my own financial responsibilities. I knew when I felt God, so I moved. I wrote a check to someone for twenty dollars. Twenty dollars. I wish I could have given allot more. (Which is why I gotta get this entrepreneurship thing figured out...) In the midst of it all, as she cried and took my check from me, I felt like even though I gave her money, and even though she and many others were receiving money from other people, that the ones that walked away being more blessed weren't the ones receiving, but the ones giving.
Here's why:
No one cares how much you know till they know how much you care. As I walked up, I felt God ministering to me and letting me know that He is indeed a sovereign God and in control of every situation. I felt the love of God so completely.
Here's the thing about this...in the area of love and romance, I know that some of us feel that there's no point or advantage in being giving. But just like the encounter that so many of us had with the Lord earlier today at service, and countless others have experienced in their own lives, the blessing comes when you decide to allow yourself to be used as a conduit to bless other people. I know someone who had been so incredibly hurt in relationships and I'm sure on the verge of giving up....and right when she was almost done with love all together, God blesses her with amazing love. You know what's ironic, unless you decide to let go of the hurt and embrace the future, and free yourself up to give to someone else, you can't experience that. Giving for me is something so basic and small to many. Just being nice, smiling. Sounds basic you would think, especially for a Christian... Unless you're tired enough of being rejected and unless you're paralyzed with fear of the unknown, fear that you'll be hurt again.
I'm now embarking on a new journey of trusting God. Some times my logic still tries to get in the way. But since I have taken steps forward and have trusted God at least enough to smile more, I know that the huge blessing God wants to give me and the amazing love that He wants to bless me with is right around the corner. I'm not the point though. The thing is this: anyone can have a certainty and surety in knowing that the same God that made sure that so many people's needs were met this morning is the same God who will protect, bless, and uphold them. Love is real. "Love STILL exists and has no boundaries." I pray that you trust God this week to give. I know that you're giving will make room for God to bless you. In your finances, in your everyday life, with your friends, your kids, your neighbors, and definitely in your love lives. Whether it's your spouse, your girlfriend/boyfriend or just your friend; or even if you don't have a person of interest and all you have is you and your family and your friends, I challenge you to be more giving this week. I take the challenge myself. I'm in this fight with you.
Be blessed by the most high God and His amazing love.
Sarah E. Rios
Creator and Founder
I saw the love of God in action.
My pastor said to the congregation "If you're in a serious financial bind, come up here now." As people moved, he admonished all of us to trust God more with our finances.
Then he instructed all of them (the people who had come up) to turn around and face the congregation. They did. Then he said to us (the congregation) to help these people any way we could. To trust God with our finances enough to be sensitive to how He wanted to bless us, through us being used to bless other people.
I saw people going up there and giving people however much they could. I, like most of us was thinking about all of my own financial responsibilities. I knew when I felt God, so I moved. I wrote a check to someone for twenty dollars. Twenty dollars. I wish I could have given allot more. (Which is why I gotta get this entrepreneurship thing figured out...) In the midst of it all, as she cried and took my check from me, I felt like even though I gave her money, and even though she and many others were receiving money from other people, that the ones that walked away being more blessed weren't the ones receiving, but the ones giving.
Here's why:
No one cares how much you know till they know how much you care. As I walked up, I felt God ministering to me and letting me know that He is indeed a sovereign God and in control of every situation. I felt the love of God so completely.
Here's the thing about this...in the area of love and romance, I know that some of us feel that there's no point or advantage in being giving. But just like the encounter that so many of us had with the Lord earlier today at service, and countless others have experienced in their own lives, the blessing comes when you decide to allow yourself to be used as a conduit to bless other people. I know someone who had been so incredibly hurt in relationships and I'm sure on the verge of giving up....and right when she was almost done with love all together, God blesses her with amazing love. You know what's ironic, unless you decide to let go of the hurt and embrace the future, and free yourself up to give to someone else, you can't experience that. Giving for me is something so basic and small to many. Just being nice, smiling. Sounds basic you would think, especially for a Christian... Unless you're tired enough of being rejected and unless you're paralyzed with fear of the unknown, fear that you'll be hurt again.
I'm now embarking on a new journey of trusting God. Some times my logic still tries to get in the way. But since I have taken steps forward and have trusted God at least enough to smile more, I know that the huge blessing God wants to give me and the amazing love that He wants to bless me with is right around the corner. I'm not the point though. The thing is this: anyone can have a certainty and surety in knowing that the same God that made sure that so many people's needs were met this morning is the same God who will protect, bless, and uphold them. Love is real. "Love STILL exists and has no boundaries." I pray that you trust God this week to give. I know that you're giving will make room for God to bless you. In your finances, in your everyday life, with your friends, your kids, your neighbors, and definitely in your love lives. Whether it's your spouse, your girlfriend/boyfriend or just your friend; or even if you don't have a person of interest and all you have is you and your family and your friends, I challenge you to be more giving this week. I take the challenge myself. I'm in this fight with you.
Be blessed by the most high God and His amazing love.
Sarah E. Rios
Creator and Founder
Sunday, October 5, 2008
EAGLE EYE OR HOLY SPIRIT?
Last weekend there was a movie that came out called "Eagle Eye" starring Shia Labuef. (Some of you fellow partakers of Disney Channel comedy may know him from a show called "Even Stevens" and if you're a movie buff like me, you know him from "Distrubia", "Wholes" and a cameo appearance in "Man on Fire."
Anyways, without ruining it for those of you who have yet to see it, the plot is basically this: a young man getting a call from a random woman that he has never met giving him very definite instructions. She starts out by threatening him and telling him that if he doesn't do what she says that bad things will happen to him and maybe even those he loves. She begins to tell him about bomb squads that are no doubt coming to break his door down and put guns in his face in 5 minutes if he doesn't do what she says. As the movie progresses, we find out that she seems to be the one pulling the strings. She always tells him to do unconventional seemingly senseless things like chase police cars in the middle of traffic and hold up armed guards transporting billions of dollars. He grows more and more frustrated as the story progresses. (Wouldn't you?) He continues to ask her questions about herself like "who are you?" "how do you know my name?" and "how are you seeing us right now?" (You may have seen that one in the previews for the film.) She continues to refuse to answer him with her monotoned, expressionless voice answering "no questions."
As I was watching this film, I saw a striking similarity between this mysterious character in the film and the Lord and His dealing with us. Now first of all let's get one thing straight: God loves us....unashamedly and unflinchingly. The Bible says that "For God so LOVED the world (that would be us), that He gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16) Although our sin nature that is part of our DNA should send us to hell according to Romans 6:23 ("The wages of sin is death...), God proved his intense and complete love for us by giving us His son, and since He and His son are one, essentially becoming sin for us so that we can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that our sins are forgiven now and forever, that our debt is paid. I would definitely say that is INTENSE love.
He loves us very deeply and would never ever do anything to hurt us.
However, He does tend to be extremely unconventional and operate outside of our logic. In so doing, there are things that He asks us to do and things that He tells us will happen that quite frankly just don't seem to add up. The thing is when you're not familiar enough with God, and/or when life has hurt you so much and so deeply, sometimes it's easy to think that God isn't for you at all and isn't working something out for your good at all but instead is setting you up to hurt you. It's easy to feel like you are an experiment to God, and that you're really only a pawn in some cosmic chess game that he's playing and that you don't matter to Him at all...kinda like the woman in "Eagle Eye" with her illogical instructions and disregard for those who she used.
When you have that perception of God, even if you're spiritual ears are tuned into Him enough to hear him, you won't trust anything that he says. It may only be in one area or it may transcend to other areas of your life, but the fact is, that if this is your perception of God, every time you hear the voice of God say something that makes no sense to you, be it negative or positive.......like the characters in the movie, you will start to feel anxious and scared and fearful and stressed out at the promises of God, rather than expectant and hopeful.
I have an intimate knowledge of this. If God tells me that Hes going to increase my finances, I believe Him and I celebrate; if He tells me He will expand my ministry, I believe Him and I celebrate; but when God says to me that I will have love in my life, and that it will be a love so intense that people will be convicted by the Holy Spirit just from being in the presence of me and my future husband without us ever having to necessarily mention God's name; when God says to me that I will be married to an awesome man of God, who will love me like Christ loves the Church and who will cover me and pray for me.......
you guessed it, I've looked at God and twisted my mouth as if to say "yeah right, like that can happen." It got so bad that I got angry at God because I felt like He definitely was trying to hurt me by continuing to tell me I would have something that it was evident to me that I would never have. Even now after all the anger towards God over that has subsided, the disbelief and doubt still sometimes rear it's ugly head. Even recently, it has caused me have bouts with anxiety; major anxiety. I mean the type of anxiety that causes your heart rate to speed up and an overwhelming feeling of dread to come over you. Meanwhile, God's word remains the same. He continues to reiterate that He will do what he said He would do and that no devil in hell can stop Him or come against what He's ordained.
The truth of the matter: sometimes it is hard to believe God....especially when you've given up hope. Sometimes it is hard to trust God, particularly in this area of love.
It's very easy to think that God has it in for you, and is trying to hurt you. The devil will have you believe that God doesn't want to bless you but hurt you and that any instruction that he could possibly give you will ultimately lead to your demise. Whether your idea of demise is ending up with the wrong person, being single for the rest of your life, or whether your idea of demise is trading the freedom of being yourself to obtain love, the prospect of any of these can be scary and cause us to try to "play God" so to speak in the area of our love lives. It can cause us to try to control every single solitary aspect of it.
The fact is that God does love us and He does want to bless us. He does have our best interest at heart. He's not trying to hurt us, and He doesn't disregard us.
He's in love with us all... each individually, and He wants to blow our minds with how much he loves us. He wants to show us. But we have to trust him. Easy to say, I know.
I don't know about you guys, but the devil has stolen enough moments from me that God meant for me to enjoy and has destroyed enough relationships that could have been fulfilling to me because of fear. So I need to begin practicing now:
Yes God. I receive all that you have for me. I receive the awesome man of God you want to bless me with. I receive the love you have in store for me. I receive the love that will win others to you. I receive the friendship and the companionship of the man of God who you created me for, and I pray for his safety and his favor. God I thank you for our upcoming friendship...and I thank you that no weapon that is formed against him will prosper and every tongue that rises up against him will be condemned. Thank you for being patient with me. I love you Daddy.
In Jesus Name.
Amen
Maybe there's something you need to say to God, maybe you need to draw a line in the sand and decide that you do in fact trust Him, even when you don't get it...and just maybe, when you do that, there will be a blessing waiting for you.
I pray that God reveals that to you this week.
Be blessed.
Sarah E. Rios
Creator and Founder
Anyways, without ruining it for those of you who have yet to see it, the plot is basically this: a young man getting a call from a random woman that he has never met giving him very definite instructions. She starts out by threatening him and telling him that if he doesn't do what she says that bad things will happen to him and maybe even those he loves. She begins to tell him about bomb squads that are no doubt coming to break his door down and put guns in his face in 5 minutes if he doesn't do what she says. As the movie progresses, we find out that she seems to be the one pulling the strings. She always tells him to do unconventional seemingly senseless things like chase police cars in the middle of traffic and hold up armed guards transporting billions of dollars. He grows more and more frustrated as the story progresses. (Wouldn't you?) He continues to ask her questions about herself like "who are you?" "how do you know my name?" and "how are you seeing us right now?" (You may have seen that one in the previews for the film.) She continues to refuse to answer him with her monotoned, expressionless voice answering "no questions."
As I was watching this film, I saw a striking similarity between this mysterious character in the film and the Lord and His dealing with us. Now first of all let's get one thing straight: God loves us....unashamedly and unflinchingly. The Bible says that "For God so LOVED the world (that would be us), that He gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16) Although our sin nature that is part of our DNA should send us to hell according to Romans 6:23 ("The wages of sin is death...), God proved his intense and complete love for us by giving us His son, and since He and His son are one, essentially becoming sin for us so that we can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that our sins are forgiven now and forever, that our debt is paid. I would definitely say that is INTENSE love.
He loves us very deeply and would never ever do anything to hurt us.
However, He does tend to be extremely unconventional and operate outside of our logic. In so doing, there are things that He asks us to do and things that He tells us will happen that quite frankly just don't seem to add up. The thing is when you're not familiar enough with God, and/or when life has hurt you so much and so deeply, sometimes it's easy to think that God isn't for you at all and isn't working something out for your good at all but instead is setting you up to hurt you. It's easy to feel like you are an experiment to God, and that you're really only a pawn in some cosmic chess game that he's playing and that you don't matter to Him at all...kinda like the woman in "Eagle Eye" with her illogical instructions and disregard for those who she used.
When you have that perception of God, even if you're spiritual ears are tuned into Him enough to hear him, you won't trust anything that he says. It may only be in one area or it may transcend to other areas of your life, but the fact is, that if this is your perception of God, every time you hear the voice of God say something that makes no sense to you, be it negative or positive.......like the characters in the movie, you will start to feel anxious and scared and fearful and stressed out at the promises of God, rather than expectant and hopeful.
I have an intimate knowledge of this. If God tells me that Hes going to increase my finances, I believe Him and I celebrate; if He tells me He will expand my ministry, I believe Him and I celebrate; but when God says to me that I will have love in my life, and that it will be a love so intense that people will be convicted by the Holy Spirit just from being in the presence of me and my future husband without us ever having to necessarily mention God's name; when God says to me that I will be married to an awesome man of God, who will love me like Christ loves the Church and who will cover me and pray for me.......
you guessed it, I've looked at God and twisted my mouth as if to say "yeah right, like that can happen." It got so bad that I got angry at God because I felt like He definitely was trying to hurt me by continuing to tell me I would have something that it was evident to me that I would never have. Even now after all the anger towards God over that has subsided, the disbelief and doubt still sometimes rear it's ugly head. Even recently, it has caused me have bouts with anxiety; major anxiety. I mean the type of anxiety that causes your heart rate to speed up and an overwhelming feeling of dread to come over you. Meanwhile, God's word remains the same. He continues to reiterate that He will do what he said He would do and that no devil in hell can stop Him or come against what He's ordained.
The truth of the matter: sometimes it is hard to believe God....especially when you've given up hope. Sometimes it is hard to trust God, particularly in this area of love.
It's very easy to think that God has it in for you, and is trying to hurt you. The devil will have you believe that God doesn't want to bless you but hurt you and that any instruction that he could possibly give you will ultimately lead to your demise. Whether your idea of demise is ending up with the wrong person, being single for the rest of your life, or whether your idea of demise is trading the freedom of being yourself to obtain love, the prospect of any of these can be scary and cause us to try to "play God" so to speak in the area of our love lives. It can cause us to try to control every single solitary aspect of it.
The fact is that God does love us and He does want to bless us. He does have our best interest at heart. He's not trying to hurt us, and He doesn't disregard us.
He's in love with us all... each individually, and He wants to blow our minds with how much he loves us. He wants to show us. But we have to trust him. Easy to say, I know.
I don't know about you guys, but the devil has stolen enough moments from me that God meant for me to enjoy and has destroyed enough relationships that could have been fulfilling to me because of fear. So I need to begin practicing now:
Yes God. I receive all that you have for me. I receive the awesome man of God you want to bless me with. I receive the love you have in store for me. I receive the love that will win others to you. I receive the friendship and the companionship of the man of God who you created me for, and I pray for his safety and his favor. God I thank you for our upcoming friendship...and I thank you that no weapon that is formed against him will prosper and every tongue that rises up against him will be condemned. Thank you for being patient with me. I love you Daddy.
In Jesus Name.
Amen
Maybe there's something you need to say to God, maybe you need to draw a line in the sand and decide that you do in fact trust Him, even when you don't get it...and just maybe, when you do that, there will be a blessing waiting for you.
I pray that God reveals that to you this week.
Be blessed.
Sarah E. Rios
Creator and Founder
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