So today, as I was gleaming from the last week of my Christmas vacation before I have to go back to work [ :-( ], I was listening to a prominent radio program where the host was talking about the pain of infidelity and how hard it is to continue a relationship with someone after you have been made aware that they have cheated on you.
Truthfully, I have never had this experience so it's almost a difficult thing for me to comment on. I have seen infidelity as a child, and it was definitely painful for me even though I was on the outside looking in, so to speak. I can honestly say that the fear of being cheated on has been part of the fuel under my fear of being in a relationship (or even a friendship that COULD POSSIBLY lead to one.)
As I was listening to this radio program, I heard the host express what seemed like shock at being informed that infidelity was such a major issue that people were asking for prayer about it. Of course, as a believer, I was shocked that he was shocked at that. He continued to take calls and to vent his fear and concern about this particular topic. As much as I truly respect this particular radio show host, I have to admit, I changed the station. I recognized that negativity about love relationships was something that I had just come out of being in bondage too; and I couldn't really afford to allow the devil to speak negativity into my spirit reguarding the promises of God in this area.
As I changed the radio station, it occurred to me that the reason why so many people are negatively affected by this is because we don't really trust God in the first place when it comes to love relationships. Here's what I mean; usually here's how it goes. Boy meets girl, they flirt, he goes after her and asks her out (or something like that), maybe she puts him off consistently. Finally they go out on a date, then on another one, then on another one. So then they come to the logical conclusion that since they've been going out this long, it must be time for them to get "serious" so they decide to see each other exclusively (often without even really consulting each other and just assuming the other person feels the same.) Then after they do that for a while, they figure the next logical thing is for them to become "engaged." Sometimes, the engagement itself is treated like an entirely different level in the relationship, so much so that they're not really doing anything that you would think would be logical for engaged people to do...like set a date for their wedding, or actually be ready to get married when they get engaged. (That's a whole different conversation.) So then they get married. Allot of times, even among believers, no one even bothered to ask God about any of this...they just went full speed ahead.
I know what you're thinking...what in the world does this have to do with infidelity? Reasonable question. The thing is, I think many of us have a faulty and less than accurate perception of what marriage actually is, and what it's purpose is. The Bible says this: " 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.'This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church." (Ephesians 5:31-32) In the first part of this passage, Paul quotes Genesis 2:24, but what's most interesting about this passage is the second part of it. In the thirty second verse there is a direct correlation, a comparison if you will being made between a marriage between a man and a woman and the relationship between Christ and his bride, the church (that would be us.)
It seems clear to me, as I have said before that the purpose for marriage in the first place is to bring about the glory of God and His perfect will and plan primarily. It's not even really about us and how we feel. Since God is awesome and his love for us is great, He uses marriage to manifest that love. The thing is, that can only happen when both parties are totally focused on him. If there are two people who are totally focused on God and what He wants to do through them, maybe fidelity may be a little easier to maintain. Now don't get me wrong, I am by no means trying to pass myself off as having all the answers or even trying to suggest that marriages ordained by God can never be touched by infidelity. Even people who focus whole heartily on God are people with flaws and faults and weaknesses.
However it does occur to me that maybe if we would petition God early in the game, I mean before we go out on a date with the person in the first place, that God is able and willing to make all grace abound toward us and is able to show us things that maybe we would not have otherwise been able to see. Maybe if we would go about the business of doing God's business and not allowing the devil to use the world and world system to make us feel bad about our singleness (those of us who are single), then maybe we could allow God to really be God...and maybe if the person hasn't made that decision yet (and everyone who's saved hasn't necessarily made the decision to let God control EVERY aspect of their life just because they've gotten saved...I know that one first hand), then God will show us. Maybe that could actually save us the heartache and pain of finding out that we've been cheated on in the first place, among other things that could go wrong.
The other piece to that is the idea that maybe our perception about the opposite sex is faulty. Many women have a tendency to believe and then in response teach their children that men are all dogs' as if to say that men are prone to cheating and they cannot control themselves at all when it comes to sexuality. I've even heard saved women, who know the Lord and confess him boldly say "all men are dogs." One woman, a friend of mine who I love dearly even questioned how true the idea was that a couple who are two incredible power houses for the Lord who are very very candid in their ministry are in fact being truthful about the fact that they waited until they were married to have sex; partly sighting that faulty way of thinking.
So if we have the ability to speak those things that be not as though they are as the word of God says we do,(Proverbs 18:21) and if death and life are in the power of the tongue (Romans 4:17), then maybe because we're thinking and believing what the devil used society to tell us, maybe we're attracting that very thing to us. I used to be an opponent of this theory until I saw it manifested in my own life.
Men can do the very same thing. I'm sure that society probably tells men on some level that women only want them for their money, and for how many free trips and free dinners they can get. Interestingly enough, one lie feeds into the other one. If a man chooses to believe that and dwell on that, I think it's fare to say that his odds of encountering a woman who only wants to do that probably go up....and if she really doesn't care about him in the first place, how easy is it to cheat on him?
Of course then there are other cases where people make mistakes, and where people have a demonic spirit of lust operating in their lives maybe from something that happened in their childhood, or maybe even a spirit of anger and hatred towards the opposite sex. But that kind of brings me back around to how we started this conversation. If we yield to God and yield to his ways, and stop telling God what we can't do and let him lead us and guide us; I think it's safe to say that since he's more invested in us having successful marriages then we even are, that He would show us. Even if it's not so we can leave or forget about the person, but so that we can stand back and pray for them, not rush into relationships, rush into engagement, rush into marriage.
I pray two things for all of us this week. I pray that as we go into the new year, that we allow God to pull up those weeds of negative thinking about love relationships concerning fidelity and incorrect perceptions about the opposite sex that have been passed down from generation to generation. I pray that we also allow God to actually be God and that we caution ourselves to the nudging, leading and haulting of the Holy Spirit concerning love. That is my prayer for you and for me.
"Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?" (Isiah 43:19)
Be blessed and have a safe and prosperous new year!
Sarah E. Rios
Love Heals All Wounds
Founder and Creator
http://www.lovehealsallwounds.blogspot.com/
www.myspace.com/lovehealsallwounds1
http://www.movehealsallwounds.hi5.com/
lovehealsallwounds1@gmail.com
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
This is a word directly from the Lord....for the Ladies
So yesterday was my last official day of work until January 5 2009. (One of the perks of working in education....long breaks for Christmas) So today was my first official vacation day. I was lying in my bed thinking about all the things that I want to do today. Some wants, some needs, like putting clothes away. As I laid there, I began to think about something that God revealed to me a few days ago about a specific situation in my life. He showed me that he indeed will keep his promise to me and that everything that he has been telling me all along about a certain situation that he is getting ready to bring it to pass.
As I thought about that, my mind went to thinking about a man that I care very much about. Partly, because God made it clear that he would bring clarity to what I've been wondering about him. So, of coruse since I'm on vacation and didn't have to get up and rush off to work, I just laid there for a while and thought about how awesome it would be to actually have clarity about this particular situation, not to mention everything else that God promised he would do.
A call came in and interrupted my thoughts. After I got off the phone, I said to God "OK God I know I've got a lot to do so I'd better get up and get started." After saying that I went on to begin to apologize to God for thinking about this situation and thinking about a man. The funniest thing happened.
God replied "don't beat up on yourself for thinking about someone." Just as I was trying to digest that, he went on to say "I want you to tell my daughters to stop beating up on themselves for having feelings for a man...and to stop beating up on each other." "You'd be surprised how many of my daughters do" he said.
I have to admit, at first I was kinda like "huh...." but as I thought about it I realized how many times God had shown me exactly what he was saying not just through my own reactions to liking a guy whenever I would end up liking a guy (that negative feeling has come on the heels of every time I've ever liked someone or cared about someone since I was about 11 years old) but also the reactions of so many women about the same situation.
Often times it's been disguised in an attitude of nonchalance and frigidity. Now don't get me wrong I'm not talking about when you clearly don't feel that way about someone, I'm speaking about when you clearly do. When you actually do care about a man or want to get to know a man or like a man or love a man, but everything that you've ever heard about men tells you that this is a fantasy and it could never be or somehow someway he's going to do something wrong and this is some how for sure going to be a disappointment. Again, don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about a feeling of not knowing what's going to happen and deciding to trust God and see how it goes. I'm speaking about the exact opposite....not trusting God and just resigning yourself to go through the process all the while having no expectancy of anything good coming out of it; and thereby experiencing some level of anxiety or dread and even self anger every time you find yourself feeling anything for a man.
Sometimes that very self anger is transferred to others that you may be trying to help. It occurs to me that if you really believe the lie that society has told us for years (especially in minority communities) that men are all after one thing and they're only concerned about using us to get what they want, whether that is sex, someone to help them pass the time or someone to clean up after them and cook their food; then if you see a woman who is experiencing any type of emotion as a result of her feelings for a man, you may become angry...perhaps because it reminds you of your own struggle.
The devil works over time in trying to pit women against men, men against women, women against women, men against men, anything to distract us from the real target and the real enemy...him. He knows that if he can just get women to believe that men are naturally incapable of caring about them or loving them and that they're naturally selfish and naturally shallow(I've believed that lie before) and that the only way to operate in relationship with them is to play "their game" by conniving and manipulating, that he can sow feelings of bitterness, resentment, anger, rejection, self hatred, intolerance, and hatred for others just to name a few. Of coruse that is sometimes accompanied by beating yourself up no matter how quietly for actually really caring about a man.
Now maybe that's never been your story and you've never experienced that. If so, then clearly this blog isn't for you. But if you have experienced that, if you have gotten angry with yourself for just caring about a man; the word from the Lord is STOP IT. Don't beat up on yourself for having a desire that he gave you. God is the author of love himself, and he's the one who decide that our desire would be for our husband. (Genesis 3:16) At first glance when you look at that passage in Genesis, it may sound like a curse. But God in his infinite wisdom is able to make all grace about and we are blessed beyond the curse. (2 Corinthians 9:8) So though it may initially sound like a punishment for wrong doing on the part of Eve, ultimately it benefits us, our future husbands (those of us who are called to be married) and the kingdom of God.
We definitely need to note that we shouldn't dwell on things and obsess about things we have no means of controlling; including a situation surrounding a man we like or have feelings for by calling, going over and devising new ways to get them to notice us; at the same time we need to not go to the other extreme and feel badly or allow others to make us feel badly about simply caring about a man or even being interested in one.
It's OK for you to be interested in a man. As long as you don't let it consume you and allow the devil to tell you the lie that you have to somehow put on the pants and go after him; there's nothing wrong with caring about him or thinking about him. There is such a thing as excess and a time when you have to say to yourself like I did earlier "OK girl, let's go...things to do." But don't let the devil trick you into feeling like you're somehow less of a woman or even less of a woman of God because you actually like someone. NEWSFLASH: Christian women like men too. We're supposed to, that's how God created us, and God doesn't make mistakes...EVER. You caring about a man is part of how God created you; and God looked at his creation after he created it and said "it is good." (Genesis 1:4, 10, 12,18,21)
I pray that this week if you're a single woman or even if you're married and you find yourself thinking about a man that you care about or are interested in (which should obviously only be your husband if you're married) that you resist the temptation to believe the devil in his telling you that you're somehow wrong or less of a woman for that. Trust the inventor of your feelings to guide you into all truth. (John 16:13)
Sarah E. Rios
Love Heals All Wounds
Founder and Creator
www.lovehealsallwounds.blogspot.com
lovehealsallwounds1@gmail.com
P.S. Do you know Jesus? Maybe you've heard that questions before. Here's the thing, we all have a sin condition that separates us from God. That very separation is what causes the anxiety and fear that I just spoke about. Even though as a human being living in a fallen world, you may always have to battle those kinds of things; the truth is you can be victorious over it and more importantly, you can know for sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that your sin condition doesn't separate you from God eternally. You can know that although your sin condition warrants an eternity an hell, that Jesus' sacrifice on the cross was the atonement for all of our sins. He did that because he wants to be in relationship with you and he loves you more than you could ever know. (John 3:16) If you don't know him in the pardoning of your sins, and if you don't know that if you died today heaven would be your home, I implore you to ask God to forgive you and to receive His forgiveness and turn from your sinful condition and live for Him. Turning doesn't mean you get everything right, it means that you realize that there are things that you may be participating in that don't please him and that with His help, you're still able to receive His love for you eternal life he died to give you. Trust Him to.
As I thought about that, my mind went to thinking about a man that I care very much about. Partly, because God made it clear that he would bring clarity to what I've been wondering about him. So, of coruse since I'm on vacation and didn't have to get up and rush off to work, I just laid there for a while and thought about how awesome it would be to actually have clarity about this particular situation, not to mention everything else that God promised he would do.
A call came in and interrupted my thoughts. After I got off the phone, I said to God "OK God I know I've got a lot to do so I'd better get up and get started." After saying that I went on to begin to apologize to God for thinking about this situation and thinking about a man. The funniest thing happened.
God replied "don't beat up on yourself for thinking about someone." Just as I was trying to digest that, he went on to say "I want you to tell my daughters to stop beating up on themselves for having feelings for a man...and to stop beating up on each other." "You'd be surprised how many of my daughters do" he said.
I have to admit, at first I was kinda like "huh...." but as I thought about it I realized how many times God had shown me exactly what he was saying not just through my own reactions to liking a guy whenever I would end up liking a guy (that negative feeling has come on the heels of every time I've ever liked someone or cared about someone since I was about 11 years old) but also the reactions of so many women about the same situation.
Often times it's been disguised in an attitude of nonchalance and frigidity. Now don't get me wrong I'm not talking about when you clearly don't feel that way about someone, I'm speaking about when you clearly do. When you actually do care about a man or want to get to know a man or like a man or love a man, but everything that you've ever heard about men tells you that this is a fantasy and it could never be or somehow someway he's going to do something wrong and this is some how for sure going to be a disappointment. Again, don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about a feeling of not knowing what's going to happen and deciding to trust God and see how it goes. I'm speaking about the exact opposite....not trusting God and just resigning yourself to go through the process all the while having no expectancy of anything good coming out of it; and thereby experiencing some level of anxiety or dread and even self anger every time you find yourself feeling anything for a man.
Sometimes that very self anger is transferred to others that you may be trying to help. It occurs to me that if you really believe the lie that society has told us for years (especially in minority communities) that men are all after one thing and they're only concerned about using us to get what they want, whether that is sex, someone to help them pass the time or someone to clean up after them and cook their food; then if you see a woman who is experiencing any type of emotion as a result of her feelings for a man, you may become angry...perhaps because it reminds you of your own struggle.
The devil works over time in trying to pit women against men, men against women, women against women, men against men, anything to distract us from the real target and the real enemy...him. He knows that if he can just get women to believe that men are naturally incapable of caring about them or loving them and that they're naturally selfish and naturally shallow(I've believed that lie before) and that the only way to operate in relationship with them is to play "their game" by conniving and manipulating, that he can sow feelings of bitterness, resentment, anger, rejection, self hatred, intolerance, and hatred for others just to name a few. Of coruse that is sometimes accompanied by beating yourself up no matter how quietly for actually really caring about a man.
Now maybe that's never been your story and you've never experienced that. If so, then clearly this blog isn't for you. But if you have experienced that, if you have gotten angry with yourself for just caring about a man; the word from the Lord is STOP IT. Don't beat up on yourself for having a desire that he gave you. God is the author of love himself, and he's the one who decide that our desire would be for our husband. (Genesis 3:16) At first glance when you look at that passage in Genesis, it may sound like a curse. But God in his infinite wisdom is able to make all grace about and we are blessed beyond the curse. (2 Corinthians 9:8) So though it may initially sound like a punishment for wrong doing on the part of Eve, ultimately it benefits us, our future husbands (those of us who are called to be married) and the kingdom of God.
We definitely need to note that we shouldn't dwell on things and obsess about things we have no means of controlling; including a situation surrounding a man we like or have feelings for by calling, going over and devising new ways to get them to notice us; at the same time we need to not go to the other extreme and feel badly or allow others to make us feel badly about simply caring about a man or even being interested in one.
It's OK for you to be interested in a man. As long as you don't let it consume you and allow the devil to tell you the lie that you have to somehow put on the pants and go after him; there's nothing wrong with caring about him or thinking about him. There is such a thing as excess and a time when you have to say to yourself like I did earlier "OK girl, let's go...things to do." But don't let the devil trick you into feeling like you're somehow less of a woman or even less of a woman of God because you actually like someone. NEWSFLASH: Christian women like men too. We're supposed to, that's how God created us, and God doesn't make mistakes...EVER. You caring about a man is part of how God created you; and God looked at his creation after he created it and said "it is good." (Genesis 1:4, 10, 12,18,21)
I pray that this week if you're a single woman or even if you're married and you find yourself thinking about a man that you care about or are interested in (which should obviously only be your husband if you're married) that you resist the temptation to believe the devil in his telling you that you're somehow wrong or less of a woman for that. Trust the inventor of your feelings to guide you into all truth. (John 16:13)
Sarah E. Rios
Love Heals All Wounds
Founder and Creator
www.lovehealsallwounds.blogspot.com
lovehealsallwounds1@gmail.com
P.S. Do you know Jesus? Maybe you've heard that questions before. Here's the thing, we all have a sin condition that separates us from God. That very separation is what causes the anxiety and fear that I just spoke about. Even though as a human being living in a fallen world, you may always have to battle those kinds of things; the truth is you can be victorious over it and more importantly, you can know for sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that your sin condition doesn't separate you from God eternally. You can know that although your sin condition warrants an eternity an hell, that Jesus' sacrifice on the cross was the atonement for all of our sins. He did that because he wants to be in relationship with you and he loves you more than you could ever know. (John 3:16) If you don't know him in the pardoning of your sins, and if you don't know that if you died today heaven would be your home, I implore you to ask God to forgive you and to receive His forgiveness and turn from your sinful condition and live for Him. Turning doesn't mean you get everything right, it means that you realize that there are things that you may be participating in that don't please him and that with His help, you're still able to receive His love for you eternal life he died to give you. Trust Him to.
Monday, December 22, 2008
PERCEPTION.......be careful
You know what God has shown me....
perception is a very interesting thing. If you're familiar with my writings, you know that I'm a lover of words......so the definition of perception is "awareness of the elements of environment through physical sensation." Another definition puts it this way: " physical sensation interpreted in the light of experience."
Now that's the one that's interesting to me. The reason why this seems most informative is because of the last part... in light of experience. In other words, Webster's online dictionary seems to be suggesting that your perception, or how you see things will be colored or affected by your experience.
This evening while I was talking to a friend of mine, we spoke about perception and how every one's perception is different. Often times, we draw conclusions based on our perceptions even though they are colored by our experiences. What's worse is that sometimes we draw conclusions about certain things based on the perceptions of others, people who had experiences that are not even our experiences.
For example, I judged love and the pursuit of love and even the state of being open to love on my experience. Since my experience with romantic love was not good, I deducted that romantic love wasn't good and would continue to cause me pain as long as I desired it.
I also drew a conclusion on how men thought based on the perception of a few women and even fewer men who stated that when it came to what men liked they only liked women who looked a certain way, and they would only feel comfortable being with a woman who fit society's idea of what was beautiful.
Many of us as women draw conclusions about what a man is thinking and how he acts, and what he wants. We draw conclusions on what we think some other man wanted, thought or felt. Some men draw similar conclusions about us, that we must think act and feel like all the other girls they know because after all, we're all women.
Some years ago, when I first started going natural, I remember that me being new at the whole natural hair thing, and at the point where allot of my hair was natural; I didn't really know what to do with it. I was romancing the idea of cutting it off...I mean cutting it really short. Now if you talk to any woman with shoulder length or longer hair, they will tell you how daunting the idea of cutting their hair really short can be. After you get used toy yourself a certain way, it's kind of hard to picture yourself with a whole different look...at least for some of us (at least the female kind.)
I recall expressing to one of my cousins that I wanted to cut my hair short but that I was scared. She began to tell me all of the reasons why I shouldn't cut it. She had recently gone natural and cut her hair short and was just in the process getting back to her relaxed look. (That's straightened in case you weren't aware.) I remember one thing that she said over everything else. As a matter of fact, I don't really remember anything else she said at all. This one statement stuck out so much to me.
"Don't cut your hair, men like women with hair..." I didn't hear anything else. Guess what I did. I went right home, and the next day I got a pair of scissors in my hand and cut my hair short. As far as I was concerned if I had to have a certain length hair for a man to like me, I would have rather passed. I very much resented the idea of me having to play dress up and accesorize like a barbie doll in order to have and maintain attention from a man. "How shallow" I thought. My anger over that shallowness led me to cut off most of my hair. Instantly I was over my fear of having short hair. I remember thinking "if this is what I've got to do to get a man to like me then I'll pass...as a matter of fact let me hurry up and cut my hair specifically so I don't attract them, who wants to be involved with anyone that surface and shallow?"
It may be difficult to understand but when you've been rejected over and over and over again by a society that says you're not good enough or you're not worthy of being loved simply and only because you don't look like everyone else and you're hair isn't long/short/straight/thin/thick enough, ( among other things) it's possible to become very contrary and want to look exactly like what that society doesn't accept....especially when it's not really that big of a deal, like short hair versus long hair. So I was disgusted at that.
Here's the thing; in my anger I was hoping that I would really shun men and would repel them because I didn't have long straight hair like they supposedly wanted, but guess what....the exact opposite happened. I have NEVER had that much attention from men ever in my life as during that time. My hair was short and natural. It definitely wasn't long and flowy like the L'Oreal girl; and it seemed like the men were everywhere. I mean men that would never ever ever look at me looked at me during that time....long and hard too.
So my perception was that "since men are shallow and that apparently means that every woman has to look a certain way that I don't look like and don't want to look like, that they're sure to not ever look at me again now. Thank God!" I know that's an interesting emotion that you may not understand. But the thing is my perception was totally wrong!!!!!!
I wonder how many of us, men and women alike walk around with these thoughts and these perceptions of how the opposite sex must view us or what they must think is acceptable or attractive and are completely incorrect.
Perception is a doozy. Unfortunately, I have found that many many women have a set of incorrect perceptions about what men think and how men act and relate. I being one of them at times, from talking to men, have found out how incredibly wrong our perceptions generally are.
Let me ask you a question....have you ever thought that you were some how unacceptable or unqualified for love because the opposite sex obviously thought this or that about you and didn't like you for some reason? If you're a human being, you have flaws just as everyone does. Do you think that disqualifies you from love? I did. I was wrong. So are you.
God says this "...man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." I Sam 16:7. If God looks at the heart, why is it that some of us think that it's impossible for a man or woman who was created in God's image and after God's likeness to look past the faults and also see the heart?
Maybe we need to take the apostle Paul's advice in Romans: "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Romans 12:2 Every time I read this passage, I feel God saying that we are not to see things the way the world sees them but the way He sees them.
In other words, don't look at the outward appearance or the outward things, look at the heart. Use your spiritual eyes to see and your spiritual ears to hear. Forget what other people say. You know what God continues to say to me concerning this: "Daughter the only opinion that matters is mine." Period. Done. God has spoken.
This week I pray that when you think about this that God will show you any areas that you've allowed the world to dictate to you what you should see and how you should feel. Prayerfully, you'll receive the grace to believe God and shut out the world who's actually being led by the devil...they just don't know it.
Don't believe the report of the world.....believe the report of the Lord. After all, he's the only opinion that counts.
Sarah E. Rios
Founder and Creator
lovehealsallwounds1@gmail.com
www.myspace.com/lovehealsallwounds1
http://www.lovehealsallwounds.hi5.com/
perception is a very interesting thing. If you're familiar with my writings, you know that I'm a lover of words......so the definition of perception is "awareness of the elements of environment through physical sensation." Another definition puts it this way: " physical sensation interpreted in the light of experience."
Now that's the one that's interesting to me. The reason why this seems most informative is because of the last part... in light of experience. In other words, Webster's online dictionary seems to be suggesting that your perception, or how you see things will be colored or affected by your experience.
This evening while I was talking to a friend of mine, we spoke about perception and how every one's perception is different. Often times, we draw conclusions based on our perceptions even though they are colored by our experiences. What's worse is that sometimes we draw conclusions about certain things based on the perceptions of others, people who had experiences that are not even our experiences.
For example, I judged love and the pursuit of love and even the state of being open to love on my experience. Since my experience with romantic love was not good, I deducted that romantic love wasn't good and would continue to cause me pain as long as I desired it.
I also drew a conclusion on how men thought based on the perception of a few women and even fewer men who stated that when it came to what men liked they only liked women who looked a certain way, and they would only feel comfortable being with a woman who fit society's idea of what was beautiful.
Many of us as women draw conclusions about what a man is thinking and how he acts, and what he wants. We draw conclusions on what we think some other man wanted, thought or felt. Some men draw similar conclusions about us, that we must think act and feel like all the other girls they know because after all, we're all women.
Some years ago, when I first started going natural, I remember that me being new at the whole natural hair thing, and at the point where allot of my hair was natural; I didn't really know what to do with it. I was romancing the idea of cutting it off...I mean cutting it really short. Now if you talk to any woman with shoulder length or longer hair, they will tell you how daunting the idea of cutting their hair really short can be. After you get used toy yourself a certain way, it's kind of hard to picture yourself with a whole different look...at least for some of us (at least the female kind.)
I recall expressing to one of my cousins that I wanted to cut my hair short but that I was scared. She began to tell me all of the reasons why I shouldn't cut it. She had recently gone natural and cut her hair short and was just in the process getting back to her relaxed look. (That's straightened in case you weren't aware.) I remember one thing that she said over everything else. As a matter of fact, I don't really remember anything else she said at all. This one statement stuck out so much to me.
"Don't cut your hair, men like women with hair..." I didn't hear anything else. Guess what I did. I went right home, and the next day I got a pair of scissors in my hand and cut my hair short. As far as I was concerned if I had to have a certain length hair for a man to like me, I would have rather passed. I very much resented the idea of me having to play dress up and accesorize like a barbie doll in order to have and maintain attention from a man. "How shallow" I thought. My anger over that shallowness led me to cut off most of my hair. Instantly I was over my fear of having short hair. I remember thinking "if this is what I've got to do to get a man to like me then I'll pass...as a matter of fact let me hurry up and cut my hair specifically so I don't attract them, who wants to be involved with anyone that surface and shallow?"
It may be difficult to understand but when you've been rejected over and over and over again by a society that says you're not good enough or you're not worthy of being loved simply and only because you don't look like everyone else and you're hair isn't long/short/straight/thin/thick enough, ( among other things) it's possible to become very contrary and want to look exactly like what that society doesn't accept....especially when it's not really that big of a deal, like short hair versus long hair. So I was disgusted at that.
Here's the thing; in my anger I was hoping that I would really shun men and would repel them because I didn't have long straight hair like they supposedly wanted, but guess what....the exact opposite happened. I have NEVER had that much attention from men ever in my life as during that time. My hair was short and natural. It definitely wasn't long and flowy like the L'Oreal girl; and it seemed like the men were everywhere. I mean men that would never ever ever look at me looked at me during that time....long and hard too.
So my perception was that "since men are shallow and that apparently means that every woman has to look a certain way that I don't look like and don't want to look like, that they're sure to not ever look at me again now. Thank God!" I know that's an interesting emotion that you may not understand. But the thing is my perception was totally wrong!!!!!!
I wonder how many of us, men and women alike walk around with these thoughts and these perceptions of how the opposite sex must view us or what they must think is acceptable or attractive and are completely incorrect.
Perception is a doozy. Unfortunately, I have found that many many women have a set of incorrect perceptions about what men think and how men act and relate. I being one of them at times, from talking to men, have found out how incredibly wrong our perceptions generally are.
Let me ask you a question....have you ever thought that you were some how unacceptable or unqualified for love because the opposite sex obviously thought this or that about you and didn't like you for some reason? If you're a human being, you have flaws just as everyone does. Do you think that disqualifies you from love? I did. I was wrong. So are you.
God says this "...man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." I Sam 16:7. If God looks at the heart, why is it that some of us think that it's impossible for a man or woman who was created in God's image and after God's likeness to look past the faults and also see the heart?
Maybe we need to take the apostle Paul's advice in Romans: "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Romans 12:2 Every time I read this passage, I feel God saying that we are not to see things the way the world sees them but the way He sees them.
In other words, don't look at the outward appearance or the outward things, look at the heart. Use your spiritual eyes to see and your spiritual ears to hear. Forget what other people say. You know what God continues to say to me concerning this: "Daughter the only opinion that matters is mine." Period. Done. God has spoken.
This week I pray that when you think about this that God will show you any areas that you've allowed the world to dictate to you what you should see and how you should feel. Prayerfully, you'll receive the grace to believe God and shut out the world who's actually being led by the devil...they just don't know it.
Don't believe the report of the world.....believe the report of the Lord. After all, he's the only opinion that counts.
Sarah E. Rios
Founder and Creator
lovehealsallwounds1@gmail.com
www.myspace.com/lovehealsallwounds1
http://www.lovehealsallwounds.hi5.com/
Monday, December 15, 2008
Crazy
Crazy to think that you weren't listening...
crazy to put my faith and trust in people....
crazy to think that their opinion of me or the promises that you gave to me some how mattered...
crazy...
crazy to be so blinded by the enemy's schemes...
crazy
crazy to put so much stock in the bantor and fodder of men who don't know God...
crazy...
crazy to listen to those who know who you are, but don't know you personally,
crazy...
who may know you as a healer and a provider, but maybe not a counselor..
maybe not as the great match maker
maybe not as the lover Himself...
crazy....
crazy to not see that since you founded love,
you created love
that you can't get love wrong...
crazy...
crazy not to take you at your word...
crazy to push the man of God away...
crazy to be so afraid of loving someone...or having someone love me back...
crazy
crazy not to understand that you are a promise keeper...
crazy not to realize that if you say it, that settles it...
crazy...
crazy to dictate the inner workings of my life to appease people...
crazy...
crazy not to see what you're doing....
crazy...
crazy to push your love away from me....
crazy...
crazy to not know that you'll be here in good times and bad...
crazy...
crazy not to see what the devil has been doing all this time...
crazy...
crazy not to see that he's been working over time because of what he sees in him and me...
so his goal is to keep me crazy...
crazy enough to not let anyone in...
crazy...
crazy enough to not let you in...
crazy...
crazy enough to not walk into my destiny...
crazy
crazy to actually care about what people think of me....
crazy....
"who do you want to bless you....
me or the people?"
those were your words...
but still...
i was crazy..
it was clear but I was crazy...
not crazy in love..
crazy in fear...
crazy in pain...
crazy in frustration...
crazily angry....
wanting people to understand me...
wanting people to understand what it is you said to me...
as if you said to them...
crazy...
crazy to search for confirmation from nonspiritual people .....
crazy....
crazy to seek confirmation from those who think love and marriage is about them...
crazy...
about them getting houses and cars...
about them getting people to take care of them and clean up after them and lay up under them....
crazy.....
knowing what you gave me....
knowing what you told me,
I was still crazy...
crazy to take my cues on how love should be from people with no vision...
from people who don't understand that when you bring two people together,
it isn't for them...
it's for ministry...
your ministry through them to the world around them....
crazy...
crazy not to trust and believe that you would use me and him to bring people to you....
crazy...
crazy to think that my pain had been wasted....
crazy....
there is a bright spot to all that crazy....
I'm NOT CRAZY ANYMORE.
LET'S GET EM.
SER
Sarah E. Rios
Founder and Creator
lovehealsallwounds1@gmail.com
crazy to put my faith and trust in people....
crazy to think that their opinion of me or the promises that you gave to me some how mattered...
crazy...
crazy to be so blinded by the enemy's schemes...
crazy
crazy to put so much stock in the bantor and fodder of men who don't know God...
crazy...
crazy to listen to those who know who you are, but don't know you personally,
crazy...
who may know you as a healer and a provider, but maybe not a counselor..
maybe not as the great match maker
maybe not as the lover Himself...
crazy....
crazy to not see that since you founded love,
you created love
that you can't get love wrong...
crazy...
crazy not to take you at your word...
crazy to push the man of God away...
crazy to be so afraid of loving someone...or having someone love me back...
crazy
crazy not to understand that you are a promise keeper...
crazy not to realize that if you say it, that settles it...
crazy...
crazy to dictate the inner workings of my life to appease people...
crazy...
crazy not to see what you're doing....
crazy...
crazy to push your love away from me....
crazy...
crazy to not know that you'll be here in good times and bad...
crazy...
crazy not to see what the devil has been doing all this time...
crazy...
crazy not to see that he's been working over time because of what he sees in him and me...
so his goal is to keep me crazy...
crazy enough to not let anyone in...
crazy...
crazy enough to not let you in...
crazy...
crazy enough to not walk into my destiny...
crazy
crazy to actually care about what people think of me....
crazy....
"who do you want to bless you....
me or the people?"
those were your words...
but still...
i was crazy..
it was clear but I was crazy...
not crazy in love..
crazy in fear...
crazy in pain...
crazy in frustration...
crazily angry....
wanting people to understand me...
wanting people to understand what it is you said to me...
as if you said to them...
crazy...
crazy to search for confirmation from nonspiritual people .....
crazy....
crazy to seek confirmation from those who think love and marriage is about them...
crazy...
about them getting houses and cars...
about them getting people to take care of them and clean up after them and lay up under them....
crazy.....
knowing what you gave me....
knowing what you told me,
I was still crazy...
crazy to take my cues on how love should be from people with no vision...
from people who don't understand that when you bring two people together,
it isn't for them...
it's for ministry...
your ministry through them to the world around them....
crazy...
crazy not to trust and believe that you would use me and him to bring people to you....
crazy...
crazy to think that my pain had been wasted....
crazy....
there is a bright spot to all that crazy....
I'm NOT CRAZY ANYMORE.
LET'S GET EM.
SER
Sarah E. Rios
Founder and Creator
lovehealsallwounds1@gmail.com
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