I've noticed something.....



people say what you think about you bring about.....



I wonder.....



I notice that every time I go out of town, I'm totall relaxed with every man that even looks at me; and particularly if it's someone that I'm attracted to, I have absolutely no problem speaking, and carryin the conversation further. It's very easy for me to be myself and enjoy a compliment from a man who doesn't live where I live....so there's no real chance of it turing into an actual reltionship (or at least the chance is so much slimmer); but when I run into a man in Chicago where I live, who's attracted to me that I'm attracted to....and I notice him noticing me, if you will...I'm extremely suspicious. When does that ever happen to me?



A friend of mine said that it's me, it's the way I think, it's what I expect...I was on vacation when I went to New York so it was easy for me to be myself....but here at home where it actually turn into something I feel a very very strong need to protect myself at all costs, so I think myself ou6t of just being, and my face has a big "get the hell away from me" sign on it.



Maybe she's right.

But truthfully speaking, I can't remember the last time I was attracted to someone from my city, who was attracted to me.......as a mtter of fact I don't tink I ever remember that happening....

well there was the time I lived in Miami....



So maybe she has a point.....



then there's the fact that contrary to popular belief, it actually takes allot for me to like a guy...allot......

I mean it takes a special package for me to even remotely take notice......

it does....

maybe some can say that I'm too caught up in the fairy tale, and I understand that love is a choice and that a man should have some very very important things that exist about his character like loves God,m trustworthiness, responsible, loyal, etc etc; however I don't think that negates the importance of me actually being attracted to the man.



Maybe I'm crazy, but I don't think in terms of boyfriend, I think in term of husband, and if a man is going to be my husband, shouldn't I be attracted to him......?

I mean specifically since sex is a part of marriage......(am I right about that?) Shouldn't I be attracted to this person? Shouldn't my knees get weak when he walks into the room? Shouldn't my heart flutter whenever he looks at me? Shouldn't I not be able to stay angry with him?

Especially if marriage is supposed to be a picture of Christ relationship with the church...I can't resist Christ, why should I be able to resist him (my husband that is)?



Anyways,

the question is such a valid one in my mind that it even had me asking (and still does a little) if I should move...I mean maybe men in Chicago simply don't like women like me........and the ones that do, I don't like them.....

I mean truthfully speaking there is a different culteral beat ina Chicago then in a New York City.....

in any event....

who knows.....

guess I'll find out some time in the future.

Sarah E. Rios

Love Heals All Wounds

Founder and Creator

lovehealsallwounds1@gmail.com

www.myspace.com/lovehealsallwounds1